Paperback's Pondering's: Weak Knees

CW: discussions of panic attacks, OCD and self-doubt while recovering from mental illness

Today (or at least on the day I am writing this post), I had therapy. I see a therapist who specializes in OCD treatment, and I have gained so much from meeting with her. While it does seem like we have something new to talk about each session, I find myself always finding new ways to cope with my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, and she finds me ways to not seek reassurance for my thoughts and to think a bit more independently. In today's session, she said something that really stuck with me, and so I thought I would share. 

When discussing one of my obsessions and compulsions, I lamented how it seems as if every time I get an intrusive thought, I am back to square one and I feel as if I will never be able to recover. My therapist responded with a quote that she had learned from another therapist, whose name escaped me in session, but she told me the quote is: "weak knees will still carry you across the room." 

I had a chance to ponder this quotation for a bit, and I actually get a bit emotional thinking about it now. So many times when I am in a bad intrusive thoughts spell, or having a bad panic attack, I think that there is no possible way I can be able to pick myself back up and recover. But the funny thing is, every time I have been in that situation, I have always recovered. There have been times I have had to go to school during a panic attack because I couldn't miss the class. And although I am very uncomfortable at the beginning, my panic subsides after a while and I am able to listen in my classes. There have been times where I felt like I should just throw in the towel on an event, and not go because I think it'll just be too stressful for me. But then I do end up going and have a good time. My mind goes into this cycle of always thinking that there is no way out of the panic, but my weak knees always find a way to carry me across the room. 

I liked that quote because it doesn't insinuate that everyone should just suck it up because we are stronger than our panic. The "weak knees" implies the acknowledgement of the disease, whether that be OCD, panic disorder, or something else. But it also encourages me personally to take things one step at a time, not try to fight the panic but instead try to simply float to the other side of the room; and soon, things will get better. I think this is a good way of thinking about recovery after a bad bought of mental illness, and is something that I hope I will continue to implement moving forward. 

When it comes to my own personal therapy journey, I have not always been a big fan of inspirational quotes, meditation seminars, etc. But this simple quote did influence the way I look at my OCD and anxiety, and offered me a bit of hope during a tough time. I figured if this could help someone else, it is worth sharing. 

I know that everyone copes with their mental illness in a different way. What may be helpful for one person may be a hinderance to another. I would never preach a certain way of treatment onto someone. However, if you like this quote, then I am glad to have shared it. And if anyone can trace down the origin for me; if not I will ask my therapist next session, I would appreciate it! I hope anyone else who currently has "weak knees" will make it across the room :) 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Funny You Should Ask by: Elissa Sussman

Genre: Romance 

Published: April 12, 2022 by: Random House 

Pages: 352

Rating: 4/5 stars 

CW: death of a pet, divorce 

Twenty years ago, Chani Horowitz was a struggling masters student looking to get a book deal. By a twist of luck she is hired to write a profile on a Hollywood movie star: her celebrity crush Gabe Parker. During the interview, her and Gabe get to know each other on an emotional level, and Gabe invites her for a whirlwind weekend that sweeps her off of her feet. And then, she never hears from him again. Now freshly divorced, Chani is forced to revisit that profile from her early twenties and reunite with Gabe once more. Despite what she thought, Gabe had not forgotten about her, and the two pick up where they left off. 

I started this book on recommendation from my cousin. We buddy read it because it was marketed as a fanfiction-esque novel, and I was intrigued. I didn't know until recently that the main character is meant to be based off of Chris Evans, which I find just slightly creepy as I don't love fanfictions with real people. But since I only found out about this yesterday it doesn't really change my opinions on this book. I thought it was a fun read, different from the romances I'm used to. I would recommend! 

I thought Chani and Gabe were both well rounded characters. Chani in her early twenties was quite relatable, as Sussman depicts her close to graduating and really struggling to find a job. I thought this depiction, specifically Chani's frustrations, were very realistic, albeit her big break is certainly not something a lot of people can relate to. But I digress, I thought Sussman wrote about a writer very well. 

Gabe was also an awesome character. He's not a stereotypical romance leading man in the sense that he seems too perfect to be true. He has flaws, but grows as a character as the book goes on and as he gets older. He has a love for animals, especially dogs (ok, maybe I should've seen the Chris Evans comparison coming), and he is very caring towards his family and to Chani. Since Chani and Gabe were both likable characters in my opinion, this made for a really easy read. 

The book alternates between two time periods: Gabe and Chani's first meeting, and their reunion. I liked this structure of the book as I think it added more context to their relationship and how their feelings have progressed overtime. I also thought this aspect added more layer to the characters, as I could develop an understanding for how Chani's maturity overtime changes her opinions on love. There is very much a fluffiness to the flashback scenes, and while this isn't to say the future is bleak, I thought Chani and Gabe definitely grow to be a bit more level-headed when they get older. 

This was a very easy to get through book. It doesn't rely much on a lot of drama, or a lot of harsh topics. It wasn't the best romance I've ever read, but it was pleasant and a good break away from some more dramatic reads. I would reread if I was looking for an escape. 

Have you read Funny You Should Ask? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: August

I barely blogged in August, because of some major life changes. But that's ok! What are new school years for if not for getting back into a normal routine? Anyways, here's all that went down in August: 

What I Read: 

Crow Winter by: Karen McBride: 3/5 stars 

Walking the Clouds edited by: Grace Dillon: 4/5 stars 

Moon of the Crusted Snow (reread) by: Waubgeshig Rice: 4.5/5 stars 

Future Home of the Living God by: Louise Erdrich: 5/5 stars 

Stone Blind by: Natalie Haynes: 4/5 stars 

Unfortunately Yours by: Tessa Bailey: 4/5 stars 

Chase Me by: Tessa Bailey: 2/5 stars 

Favourite book of the month: Despite being too busy to blog, my reading didn't falter this month. I loved reading Future Home of the Living God. It's a dystopia featuring an Indigenous protagonist who has to hide her pregnancy from the government. I thought it was a really interesting premise, and while sad in subject matter, it was very well written. 

What I Blogged: 

Not much, to be honest! I managed to get up my review of Tomorrow x3 by: Gabrielle Zevin, which was great because my feelings about that book were complicated. I'm happy I finally was able to put thoughts into words. 

Favourite Blog Posts of the Month: 

Lissa shares Book Beginnings She Dislikes

Greg makes me ponder life in Sunday Post# 516

Life Stuff: 

As forementioned, I had a lot of big changes happen to me in August. The main thing being that I moved to another city for school. I still have a few days until I begin my PhD program, so I've just spent my days getting acclimated to the city and to my new apartment. It has been nerve wracking and at times very stressful, as change often is. But I am proud of myself for keeping things together and establishing a new routine. I am equally as excited for the future. 

I did have some fun times going to concerts in August and to FanExpo right at the end before I moved. I do love the end of summer because I tend to ramp up on exciting events and it kinda symbolizes the last hurrah before jumping back into routine. I am looking forward to fall and enjoying coziness and spookiness. 

So that was August! Here's hoping I post a bit more regularly on here. How was your final month of summer? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by: Gabrielle Zevin

Genre: Fiction, Contemporary 

Published: July 5, 2022 by: Knopf 

Pages: 401 

Rating: 3.5/5 stars 

CW: gun violence, murder, grief, suicide, toxic relationships 

Sam Masur and Sadie Green were childhood best friends, but grew apart in young adulthood. That is, until one day when Sam spots Sadie on a subway platform, and the two rekindle their friendship and a lifelong dream. Sam and Sadie become business partners by launching Ichigo, a video game that soon becomes a hit. However, fame isn't everything, and Ichigo's overnight success proves taxing on the two friends' relationships with each other, and with others in their inner circle. 

I saw this book being advertised as a romance soon after it came out, and so I kept in on my radar. It is definitely not really a romance, though romantic undertones are prevalent in the novel in a "will they/won't they fashion." In reality, the book can be categorized as a contemporary fiction that examines friendship, fame, and personal identity. I did enjoy it. I thought that the book takes on a lot, though it does so in a very easy to read fashion. I didn't have trouble getting engrossed in the story. 

I am not a gamer in any fashion, so once I knew that gaming would be central to the story, I was a little bit dubious. However, I don't think that much gamer terminology takes over the plot at all, and I had no problem understanding the inner workings of Ichigo and how Sadie and Sam approach the game. I really do think that anyone; gamer or not would enjoy the plot because even if you're not a gamer, you can begin to understand how emotionally taxing creating a business with your friend could be. I'm obviously not talking from experience here, but I thought that Zevin did a good job at playing around with the limitations of trying to create an empire while also having the fear of failure and personal insecurities holding you back. Both Sam and Sadie do face these fears and I found myself interested in seeing their development. 

I also thought that the secondary characters added good, valuable interest in the story. There are a number of people who come and go in Sam's and Sadie's lives, some of them a part of the legacy of Ichigo, and others antagonists who seek to break down the characters. I thought that Zevin did well to develop the secondary characters so that they weren't just fillers in Sam's and Sadie's relationship, but were actually integral to shaping or influencing Sam and Sadie as the characters moved through life. 

The reason this book wasn't a five-star read for me, is that I think Zevin could've added some more information on Sam as a character to drive how he moves throughout the story. Sam is disabled, and throughout the book he is a pretty sad character, often portrayed as lonely and down. We don't get as much substance to his character as we do Sadie, and I found this to be a detriment because I think it reduces a disabled character down to their disability. Now disabled people can experience a range of emotions, but I think the author did Sam a disservice by having him just be really negative all the time. I think this perpetuates the stereotype that disabled people should just be miserable, which is not healthy or useful to anyone. This was a major downside to the book and I think with some better disability representation, this would've been a five-star read for me. 

This was a tough review to write! I was going back and forth between 3 and 4 stars, and ultimately decided to split in the middle. I don't discredit the book's high points; I do think it's got a very unique premise. But I just wanted the author to put a bit more life into her disabled protagonist. 

Have you read Tomorrow X3? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: July

 

July went by way too fast for my liking. I do not want to even think about all the packing I have to do for my move or the fact that everything in my life is changing this month. Anyways... here's what happened in the whirlwind of July!  

What I Read: 

The Family Upstairs by: Lisa Jewell: 4.5/5 stars 

The Family Remains by: Lisa Jewell: 3/5 stars 

Bath Haus by: P.J. Vernon: 3/5 stars 

Pageboy by: Elliot Page: 4/5 stars 

Me Tomorrow edited by: Drew Hayden Taylor: 4/5 stars 

Split Tooth by: Tanya Tagaq: 4/5 stars 

The Boyfriend Candidate by: Ashley Winstead: 4/5 stars 

Favourite book: The Family Upstairs surprised me! My sister recommended it, and I am usually very picky with thrillers. But I found this book to be super shocking, and definitely a page turner. I didn't love the sequel, but this book was a hit. 

What I Blogged: 

I kinda fell off the blogging bandwagon this month due to busyness, such is life. But I did put up a new discussion post on Leaving Things to the Experts, and y'all provided some really interesting feedback on the subject. 

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Cee provides a thought provoking post: And Yet 

Shayna shares her Favourite Summer Thing

Simone explains how Trying to "Fix" Her Disability Made Her Hands Worse

Life Stuff: 

This month was spent working on grant proposals for school, working at my summer job, and working on buying stuff for my move. Just a lot of work in general, lol! While I feel physically in a good place, I know the stress of moving will set in soon. So I just have to keep up with the self-care to keep myself in a good place. 

I do have some concerts lined up for August before moving though, so I am looking forward to those! It's nice to have some fun events to cap off the summer. 

So, that was my July. How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Paperback's Ponderings: Leaving Things to the "Experts"

I can be a very indecisive person. I am the type of person who will ask a lot of people their opinion on a subject and then will make my decision based on what they recommend. This gets tricky when people suggest different things. But anyways, I think that I often assume people have more expertise on a subject than me. This sometimes leads to me selling myself short and then going along with what someone tells me to do even if it isn't necessarily what I want to do. A lifetime in school has made me realize that maybe I shouldn't always be leaving my decisions to be made by the "experts." 

I'm going to relate this subject mostly on academic-related activities, but I think this idea can apply to a lot of different scenarios. I have been working on non-stop essays and editing projects for the past three years or so. More often than not I have a professor working alongside me in these projects; they are there to offer edits and suggestions. However, since I am often a victim of the inner saboteur, I think I let suggestions and constructive feedback take over my project, to the point where I'm not even sure at the end if I like the project I'm writing. I don't think academics offer advice in a strict "you have to do this" way, but my own low self-esteem just assumes that they know what they're talking about more than I do. And this is not to say that an esteemed professor who has been editing a whole lot more than me doesn't sometimes know what's best. However, I also wish that I was able to advocate for myself more and for my own self interests.

There was one time last year where I turned down advice, and oh boy was it uncomfortable for me! A professor had offered a suggestion that I just didn't want to go with, and I had my heart set on a different direction. My friends told me that I needed to stand my ground (there's me asking for advice again, lol). But in this case, it was important that I listened to the advice of my friends. I was letting someone who can be very assertive make decisions for me, and while I know those decisions came with good intentions, I definitely needed to practice being assertive back. After all, life only gets more complicated, and I do not want to enter the workforce as someone who lets others walk all over her. To this day, I still question if I made the right decision. But the practice of advocating for myself I think did make me all the more stronger. 

I think I need to rethink how I conceive of people's expertise. I need to listen attentively when someone gives me advice, but also not let them make all of my decisions for me. I need to make sure that my strengths are shown in a project, as opposed to someone else's. Most importantly, especially as a woman, I think I need to be more assertive to build my confidence. I'm not ignorant to the way that sexism functions in academia, and I'll be damned if I let a man run my life. 

This is my self-reflection. While I understand that having an anxiety disorder definitely makes these situations all the more complicated, I think practicing assertion is a great way to show anxiety who's boss. 

What do you think? Do you often let others make decisions for you? What is your definition of an "expert?" 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Moon of the Crusted Snow by: Waubgeshig Rice

Genre: Speculative Fiction

Published: October 2, 2018 by: ECW Press 

Pages: 213 

Rating: 4/5 stars 

CW: discussions about the genocide of Indigenous Peoples, trauma caused by colonization, cannibalism, blood and gore 

Right before winter, a northern Anishinaabe community mysteriously loses power. The band council attempt to keep residents safe and calm, and rations and restrictions are put into place. Evan Whitesky and his young family are one of the many affected by this dangerous event. However, order doesn't last for long when an outsider makes his way into the community and persuades some members that he knows how to cope with this situation the best. When residents start to go missing and the visitor's priorities begin to be questioned, Evan and other residents decide to fight back. 

I heard of this book through a mention on Greg's blog. Thanks Greg! I will read any speculative fiction by an Indigenous author, so I knew this book was right up my street. I thought the premise and the setting (wintertime in one community) could make for an interesting book, as stakes become raised even higher when community members are shut off from electricity during the coldest time of year. I overall thought this book delivered on providing an eerie and engaging plot, though I did have some trouble with the ending that prevented this from being a new favourite. 

I liked Evan as the "unlikely hero" to the book. He is a father of two young children and he just wants to make sure that they stay warm and fed. He doesn't really want to get into any vigilantism or rustle any feathers with people in the community. However, because of his protective nature, he develops over the book to really want to protect the community as if all of the residents were his children. He immediately can sense trouble once the main antagonist comes into the community and I really loved his rational personality and level-headedness. 

The tone of this book is quit haunting, and reads very closely like a gothic. The isolated setting (seeing as the community becomes cut off from neighbours because of the lack of electricity), and the chilly environment made for some really engaging tropes. I saw a bit of The Shining in this text with its keeping of the winter season, but this book really does stand on its own by being an original work of spec fic with some clever horror elements weaved throughout. Never did I feel bored, I kept turning the pages to see what was next. I wanted these characters to make it through the dystopia, and Rice did well to build up that tension of wanting to turn the page. 

Now, the main let down for me in this book was the ending. I was waiting patiently for the climax when the main antagonist would be confronted, and found myself getting close to the end with no turning point in site. Then finally, with mere pages to spare, comes the main conflict and supposed resolution. The problem I had though is that the ending seemed to me to be so rushed that I was left with many unanswered questions. I overall thought that the ending could've been drawn out more, because for me, it was a bit of a let down. 

If you like dystopias and are looking to read more diverse speculative fiction books, I would give this one a go. The premise is quite unique and the plot wasn't predictable. I feel I may be slightly in the minority of people who didn't love the ending, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. 

Have you read Moon of the Crusted Snow? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: June

I went on a very much unscheduled hiatus for the majority of June. Life events just caught up with me! But I'm glad to be back now and am ready to recap June. 

What I Read: 

Unreconciled by: Jesse Wente: 4.5/5 stars 

Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun by: Elle Cosimano: 2.5/5 stars 

You Don't Have A Shot by: Racquel Marie: 4/5 stars 

Secretly Yours by: Tessa Bailey: 3/5 stars 

Ms. Marvel: Teenage Wasteland by: G. Willow Wilson and Nico Leon: 4/5 stars

Favourite book: I really enjoyed Unreconciled by Jesse Wente. I read a few excerpts from the book when I was TAing earlier this year, and I thought it was a super informative read on Indigenous resistance and the true meaning behind reconciliation. 

What I Blogged: 

As mentioned before, I did trail off from posting in the middle of the month. But, I did update you all on the Changes by blog went through, and I am overall very happy with my new graphics and the new directions my blog is taking. 

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Because of my blog absence, I didn't get to do a whole lot of blog hopping last month :( Sorry friends! I feel like I opened my laptop in July and realized I missed out on so many posts. It took me a while to catch up. But if you have a post you are proud of, link it in the comments! 

Life Stuff: 

June was BUSY. I had weddings, vacations, graduations, and much more. I also got a new laptop which will make writing and blogging a lot easier. I ended the month with the great news of finally finding a new place to live, and feeling more prepared for school which makes me so happy. I hope the final two summer months will go by smoothly with as little stress as possible. But of course, moving always carries with it a bit of stress. Wish me luck in packing! 

That was my June. How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Changes

If you regularly view my blog on a computer browser, you may have noticed that my blog graphics look a little bit different. For starters, I made a new logo for my month in reviews (and a matching one for discussion posts), as well as made clickable images to my social media sites on my sidebar. I wanted to remove the original clunkiness of the sidebar, so I took out some filler gadgets that I didn't think were necessary. I am here to make a post of explanation of the changes, as there is a reasoning/some reflection behind the changes! So, let's talk about change: 

As some of you may know, I am embarking on some academic adventures in September. A large focus of my program in university will be on English studies and young adult fiction, which is a key focus of my blog. As such, I wanted to make my blog a bit more of a hub where colleagues, students, and friends could look for content that may at times overlap with the work I'm doing in school. I will sometimes cite my blog or put it on my resume, but I haven't really centered it fully in my academic studies before. However, after having some discussions with academics who work on young adult fiction content, I figured I could find a way to integrate my passion for blogging with my schoolwork. And thus, I had some cleaning up to do. 

My old graphics and logo were created by yours truly in Grade 10 photoshop class. They were cute at the time and served their purpose. I have mentioned before how I don't focus on graphic design a whole lot in my blog as I'm not good at it. That part of me hasn't changed. However, I did want to make my graphics appear a bit more mature to reflect my content a bit better. I don't just blog about YA anymore and I thought my blog looked a bit childish. So with the help of Canva and my cousin who created a header for me a while ago, I was able to tweak around with some new logos. It was a process, as I needed to get the sizing and blur just right. But I am proud of myself that I stuck with it even though graphics scare the hell out of me. 

I thought graphics in my social media sidebar may look cleaner than just having links, so I entered the world of coding to get that looking right. With the help of my dad and a lot of trial and error we were able to figure it out, but again, that was a whole lot of techy stuff that I had never tried before. You really do learn something new everyday! I can now say that I have a few graphics that I think look pretty and a bit more polished, and I'm very proud of that. 

Last but not least, a word about content. This will never be a blog about university life. I merely wanted to tweak a few things that would make me feel comfortable and proud to show my blog to ppl within my university life. Even my Twitter took on a bit of a makeover, as I know more people do use Twitter for networking and I wanted to make sure I had a clean slate on social media so that I wouldn't run into any trouble in the future. 

All of this is to say, I'm still here, this blog is still Paperback Princess, and I will continue writing about books, life stuff, and discussion posts along the way. I don't intend to leave my blog friends behind in search of another image, I just took my new life changes as an opportunity to spruce things up around here a little bit. It was a struggle, but I do hope these graphics look good to a secondary viewer. And as always, if you have any graphic design words of wisdom, they are always so welcome! Blogging is always a learning curve, and I'm grateful to be learning every day. 

Have you ever put your blog/social media through an upgrade? Do you suck at graphic design like me?

Emily @ Paperback Princess

The Love Hypothesis by: Ali Hazelwood

Genre: Romance 

Published: September 14, 2021 by: Penguin 

Pages: 383 

Rating: 3/5 stars 

CW: workplace sexual harassment, graphic sexual content, perhaps negative asexual rep (read more in review) 

Olive Smith is a PhD candidate in her third year at Stanford University. Her best friend Anh believes in long-lasting, romantic love, but Olive isn't sure that happily ever after can exist. Olive decides to get Anh off her back by kissing the first man she sees in an effort to prove to Anh that she can be in a relationship. However, this man turns out to be Adam Carlsen, a young, grumpy professor who is caught off guard by Olive's forwardness. Still, Adam agrees to go along with Olive's plan if it means they can try to put this awkwardness behind them. But fake dating proves to be complicated once the two start catching feelings. 

This book really blew up on Booktok, and it took me a while to find it at the library and see if it was worth the hype. I knew it was an adaptation of a fanfic of Reylo (romantic ship between Kylo Ren and Rey from Star Wars). That made me curious. I love Kylo Ren, but I'm not the biggest fan of that ship. Still, a love interest at least inspired by Kylo intrigued me. Fanfiction once again makes the world go round! I would say this book was middle of the road for me, with some high moments but also some issues to work through. 

First off, I really did like how the book handled the grumpy x sunshine trope. That is one of my favourite tropes in romance novels and I think Hazelwood did a good job at characterizing Olive's confidence and charm mixed with Adam's sarcasm and cynicism. But, despite Adam being the grumpy character, he was never disrespectful or abusive, which I think is super important when handling this trope. I also liked how the book portrayed the fake dating trope, especially given that there were power dynamics involved between a professor and a PhD candidate. Both Adam and Olive clear their relationship with the Dean, and I appreciated this touch to avoid toxicity within their relationship. 

I thought the romance was well-paced and didn't to me feel like insta-love or anything that could be totally unrealistic. I did sometimes find that Olive made impulsive decisions, and seeing that she was a PhD student, I wondered why she acted that way. I guess I just figured she'd be a bit more cautious of things, so this personality shift did surprise me a bit. But I didn't find her or Adam to be particularly unlikable characters. 

The sex scenes were graphic, but nothing that I'm not used to in a lot of adult romance books. I do think Hazelwood portrayed such scenes in a healthy way, though for me, nothing can beat the representation in Helen Hoang's "Kiss Quotient" series. That series still has some of the healthiest and non-toxic sexuality representation that I've ever seen. I will constantly compare every romance to it. 

On to the not so great bits. I did notice a few OwnVoices Goodreads reviewers talking about how they found Hazelwood misrepresented or awkwardly incorporated asexual representation when it came to Olive. The first time that Olive and Adam have sex, Olive admits to Adam that she has a difficult time forming the want to have sex, and forming attraction for people. But she frames this in a way by saying that there is something "weird" about her brain, and then the whole thing is kinda dismissed and not picked up again. This was something that struck me as odd when I was reading the book, but I didn't quite understand why until I read the reviews, and then I found some reviewers put my thoughts into words quite well. I am not asexual so I'm not gonna be the spokesperson on this, and I know some asexual people may have no issue with this plot point. But, I will say that I think for me personally, I would've liked this side of Olive explored a bit more if it was something that impacted how she forms sexual relationships. We never really see it developed into something more, and I think positive asexual representation is super important. You can see these reviews in the one star section of Goodreads if you'd like to read them. 

I don't think the characters necessarily struck me as all that interesting. I thought Olive and Adam were an okay couple, but I didn't find myself going out of my way to root for them the way I do other romance couples. They were just okay, nothing truly remarkable though nothing terribly annoying. I do chalk a lot of this up to the book perhaps being more plot driven than character driven. I didn't feel like I knew a whole lot about these characters, so I found it difficult to connect to them. 

Overall, this book was fine. It wasn't a standout for me, but I'm usually pretty forgiving of romance novels if there are some redeeming qualities. I don't necessarily think this book was worth the hype, but I'm glad I gave it a shot. 

Have you read The Love Hypothesis? What did you think? 

Month in Review: May

 

May just flew by! I feel like I blinked and missed it. While I had a lot of fun last month, this month is full of even more excitement. But before we get to June, here's what happened in May. (Also, peep the new graphics! Thanks Canva). 

What I Read: 

The Story of Us by: Catherine Hernandez: 4/5 stars 

Watchmen by: Alan Moore: 3/5 stars 

I Am I Am I Am by: Maggie O'Farrell: 4/5 stars 

Loathe to Love You by: Ali Hazelwood: 3.5/5 stars 

Icebreaker by: Hannah Grace: 1/5 stars 

Favourite book: I really enjoyed The Story of Us. It was my second Hernandez book after Scarborough and I found the premise to be super unique and the character building was quite strong. Review to come! 

What I Blogged: 

There were weeks in May where I just...forgot to blog? But, I still stayed fairly consistent and I'm really glad I finally wrote my review for When The Reckoning Comes by: LaTanya McQueen. It was such a good read. 

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Cee asks: Is This a Book Blog, Though? 

Nyx shares What Influences Her to Read A Book (As a Non-Book Blogger) 

Nicole recommends MG Books for Young Horror Fans 

Life Stuff: 

As previously mentioned, May was fun! I started off the month with a vacation to San Francisco, which was an awesome bucket list experience as I had never been to California previously. So many of the sites were really cool and I got to see seals and sea lions in the bay. As an animal lover that was a major highlight. 

I ended the month with an academic conference in Toronto where I met so many cool people both in and outside of my field, and I learned a lot. I also presented the previously mentioned paper that I was initially struggling with writing but I'm really pleased with how it turned out. I got some good feedback on it overall so I'm considering the hard work as worth it. I considered the advice I got in the comments about taking my time with the editing to be the most helpful. Thank you all. 

This month is bringing weddings, graduation parties, and a lot of milestones for friends and family. I am looking forward to it all. Summer is the best season for celebrations in my opinion. 

That was my May! How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

When the Reckoning Comes by: LaTanya McQueen

Genre: Horror 

Published: August 3, 2021 by: Harper Perennial 

Pages: 237 

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: slavery, anti-Black racism, blood and gore 

For more than a decade, Mira has distanced herself from the small town in the south that she grew up in, due to a terrifying incident in which she saw a ghost on the old Woodsman plantation. Now in the present, Mira has been forced to return back to the plantation to attend her old friend Celine's wedding. During the wedding weekend, Mira is horrified to see the plantation's transformation into a luxury wedding resort, while her former best friend seems to have forgotten the racism and trauma that Mira and their other friend Jesse endured growing up. As the memories from her past return, Mira and Jesse seem to be the only guests who are aware of the violence that occurred on this land years ago, but the other wedding guests soon become aware of the trauma that their ancestors inflicted on the innocent many years ago when it comes back to haunt them. 

I don't read a lot of horror, but when I do, I really like when horror books have very clear social commentary interwoven in them. This book was no exception. It had a very distinct premise revolving around the anti-Black racism that the main character and her former friend Jesse endured in their youth, while their white friend Celine marries into privilege and forgets the harm that her childhood friends endured. This book has hints of a few genre conventions, such as horror and more specifically gothic horror, with also some suspense mixed in. All of these elements made for a very engaging read that I could not put down. 

This was the first book I have read that took place on a plantation, and I did have some expectations going into it. I am aware that many plantations in the south today have been renovated and marketed towards weddings, and many white people in the south hold events at these sites while blatantly disrespecting and ignoring the violence that occurred on this land. I know Pinterest was one website that recently stopped offering inspiration for plantation weddings, and rightly so. How anyone can be this ignorant and racist, I don't know. But anyways, I expected that same level of ignorance and disrespect to come from Celine and her other wedding guests. McQueen builds up these plot points well through little details, like horrific reenactments marketed as "entertainment" for the guests, antebellum-themed drinks, etc. These details don't seem far off from what happens at these weddings in real life, which I think was really important to see. Yes, this book is horror fiction, but the details within it do reflect the horrors of real life as well, which makes the story all the more important. 

I enjoyed reading about Mira's development as a character. She starts off as someone who does not want to confront the past. She just wants to get the wedding weekend out of the way and emerge from it as unscathed as possible, with little to not contact with her former friends. However, she develops throughout the book to realize that she cannot continue to push away her past memories, and she can begin to face these traumatic memories with the help of her friend Jesse in the hopes that the two of them can find closure. What Celine has done is pretty much unforgivable, and reading about how Mira confronts Celine now as an older woman was also I think really important, considering how close the trio were as youth. The additional layer of Celine now marrying into a wealthier status and forgetting her own humble beginnings I think added some dimension to her character as well. 

The horror elements in this book were written really well. There are gothic elements with this figure of the plantation itself being haunted by the past, as well as elements of the fear of being surrounded by people who do not care what happened to your ancestors, and there is this looming threat of racial violence in the present as well. Mira and Jesse begin the wedding feeling uncomfortable by their surroundings, and this discomfort is only amplified when they begin to learn more about the events that occurred at the Woodsman plantation. Those who like gothic horror, as well as realistic fiction will find a good mix of the two within this text. 

Overall, I could not put this book down. I found the pacing and development of the characters to be well-thought out, and I felt the conclusion provided me enough closure to the book's events. This book serves as a great reminder to those from privileged backgrounds that they cannot push traumatic history under the rug to make themselves feel better, and reminds marginalized individuals that they deserve healing. 

Have you read When the Reckoning Comes? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Writing Woes: Writer's Block, Rambling, and Self-Doubt

CW: this post will discuss low self-esteem and self-doubt 

Most of the writing I do nowadays is writing research papers. I'm just living that student life. But, I do love writing them. I enjoy reading theory and looking at articles that can help support my argument. It feels good to add your opinions to a growing conversation in an academic field. However, what I often don't realize is how writer's block can affect me while writing research papers just as much as it affects people writing creative fiction or non-fiction. And boy is it hitting me hard right now :( 

I'm currently writing a paper that I'm presenting at a conference at the end of the month. The paper is part of a panel on navigating the Canadian publishing industry, and I am focusing it in my research interest of Indigenous Literatures. I am centring my paper around an article by Eve Tuck, which argues that marginalized people are historically stereotyped as victims or perpetrators in media. I connect these stereotypes to the same type of stereotyping that occurs within the publishing industry as a whole. Writing the proposal for my paper was very easy, and the wheels really started turning. However, ever since my paper got accepted, I've been at a standstill as to how to go about writing it. I just feel as if my ideas aren't strong enough to support a paper, and my thoughts are running thin. I'm concerned that this paper's idea will not come across accurately when presenting it. I'm concerned about being a failure. 

This is the first research paper I've written in some time, as I took some time off of school to be a teaching assistant. So, I was doing the marking as opposed to having my own work critiqued. Now I feel a bit out of practice. I think it's just taken me a while to get back into the swing of writing and organize my ideas as affectively as I used to. I had confidence that writing would come back to me rather quickly, but now that confidence has all but diminished as I wonder where the hell this paper is even going. I know papers can deviate from their proposals, but now I feel as if my paper is straying too far away from the message. Idk, I'm very stressed. 

I'm well aware that low self-esteem and self-doubt play a huge part of this. In academia and in the publishing world there is definitely a shared feeling of imposter syndrome, that everyone is smarter than me and my ideas just aren't strong enough. I've received positive feedback on my writing in the past, but that isn't enough to think that one day will be the day that I fail, that I embarrass myself in front of colleagues and I don't have my work taken seriously. But the thing is, I KNOW these feelings aren't exclusive just to me, and that countless other students (and folks from other fields) experience the exact same thing. However, that doesn't necessarily help the feelings of isolation. It's easy to think of yourself as alone in these instances. 

Often in these moments I invite myself to think of the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario in this case is that I don't even have a finished paper to present. That cannot happen as I already have words on paper. However good these words are? Well I'm not exactly sure just yet. But, I need to keep reminding myself that even if things go awry, the world will keep turning. I will cope, simply because I have to. I will keep going with my degree because I want to. My degree is not riding on this paper going well, and it is possible for me to pick myself up if it goes wrong and try to do better the next time. It sucks feeling like you're not good enough. But, like writer's block, this too shall pass. 

Have you ever had feelings of self-doubt? Any tips on helping my slump? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

How to Be Perfect: The Correct Answer to Every Moral Question by: Michael Schur

Genre: non-fiction, philosophy 

Published: January 25, 2022 by: Simon and Schuster

Pages: 304 

Rating: 4/5 stars 

CW: discussions of violence 

Michael Schur, creator of the comedy series The Good Place, dives deep into moral qualms and dilemmas in this humourous take on philosophy. Schur borrows from his own life experiences and the research he undertook when writing The Good Place to discuss deep-rooted questions on morals and ethics. Along the way, Schur ponders the question: what does it take to be a "good person?" 

If you haven't watched The Good Place, you absolutely need to. It is such a fun, light-hearted comedy that explores questions on morality with sensitivity and grace. I could tell when watching it that it was very well-researched, and Schur's fascination with philosophy is perfectly woven into it. I knew I wanted to read this book because I enjoy Schur's comedy writing, and I definitely think I could benefit from learning more about how complex morals and ethics can be. Overall I thought this book was charming and informative, with just the right amount of education and humour. 

I think it's important to explain my own backstory a bit. I have OCD, which is heavily morality based. Most of my life is spent doing compulsions and ruminating over whether or not I am a bad person. This isn't a sad post, I just need to set up this context when reviewing books that deal with morality. In short: I have a very complicated and confusing relationship with what I think constitutes a "good" person. I'm working on it. But, I think this is one of the reasons why I love The Good Place so much. It helps me to realize that being good or bad isn't black and white. Schur contends with this issue throughout the book, by exploring issues on both micro and macro levels to come to the conclusion that bad things can happen to good people, and good things can happen to bad people. But what's good or bad can often be seen as subjective, depending on ones own personal story. 

I thought Schur did a great job at balancing philosophy education with breaks in the theory where comedy can come in. I was concerned that this book would just be an information dump, and philosophy can often make my brain hurt. However, this book does not read like heavy theory, and I thought that the way Schur presents the theory was quite easy to follow and accessible. He breaks concepts down and explains them in detail-oriented and relatable ways, so that you're able to apply a concept to your own life and you don't feel as far removed from the subject. I appreciated that. 

I also thought that Schur's integration of his own personal anecdotes were quite useful as well. This book isn't a memoir, but it was interesting nonetheless to read about how Schur approaches these topics within his own life as a successful tv writer. I think I could see Schur as a more approachable guy than just a celebrity, and at the very least it was comforting to know that he struggles with these concepts too. Of course, being that I am a fan of his shows, I thought the mentions of his writing experiences were also interesting tidbits into how shows like The Good Place were researched and created. Overall, this was a very informative book! 

Even if you haven't watched any of Schur's comedies, if you appreciate some humour with your philosophy lessons, then this book could be for you. It wasn't necessarily a five star read, but I thought it was just enough to be an enjoyable look at morals and ethics class, which I so desperately need from time to time. It's comforting for me at least to every once in a while remind myself that humans make mistakes, and that being good or bad isn't as simple as who gives the most to charity. I think this book is can be an incredibly useful tool for people who struggle with how their character is perceived, and I hope people find that value from Schur's shows as well. 

Have you read How to Be Perfect? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: April

I didn't post anything in April besides this post... lol. Alas, marking very much did get in the way. But that's okay! I'm hoping to return back to consistency now that summer is on its way. In any case, here's what happened in April: 

What I Read: 

Anne's House of Dreams by: L.M. Montgomery: 4/5 stars 

VenCo by: Cherie Dimaline: 3/5 stars 

If Not, Winter by: Sappho (edited by Anne Carson): 4/5 stars 

My Name's Yours, What's Alaska? by: Alaska Thunderfuck 5000: 4/5 stars 

The Sunbearer Trials by: Aiden Thomas: 3/5 stars 

Favourite book of the month: There were no five star reads this month, but I did think that Anne's House of Dreams was so delightful. The Anne of Green Gables series is pretty much one of the few classic series I actually enjoy, and this book was no exception. 

What I Blogged: 

Nothing, haha! 

Favourite Blog Posts of the Month: 

Roberta invited me to consider: If I Could Go Back and Change One Thing About My Life, What Would it Be? 

Really, my blog hopping wasn't up to par this month either. But I hope to be able to read more posts in the future as well. 

Life Stuff: 

Now that my teaching assistant position is finished, I seriously need to start looking for a place to live in my new city. It'll be stressful for sure, but I've been putting it off for too long and it needs to get done. 

May will be a bit busy. I am going on vacation next week which I am super excited for, and at the end of the month I'm going to an academic conference. I get really nervous presenting in front of a lot of people, but I like to go to these conferences to get practice at it and push myself out of my comfort zone. 

Other than that, I will continue to move forward! That was my April. How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: March

March FLEW by. I was quite busy during the month which led me to be a bit AWOL on the blog, but I am back to recap the month. I can't promise more consistency until probably May, but at least I have found the time now to write, which I missed. Here's what happened in this busy month: 

What I Read: 

Vote Loki by: Christopher Hastings and Langdon Foss: 5/5 stars 

The Poppy War by: R.F. Kuang: 3/5 stars 

Mine Mine Mine by: Uhuru Portia Phalafala: 5/5 stars 

Love on the Brain by: Ali Hazelwood: 4/5 stars 

Take Us to Your Chief by: Drew Hayden Taylor: 4/5 stars 

The School for Good Mothers by: Jessamine Chan: 5/5 stars 

The Book of Myths by: Amy Cruse: 3/5 stars 

Daisy Jones and the Six by: Taylor Jenkins Reid: 3/5 stars 

Favourite book: I saw Olivia-Savannah mention this book on her Youtube channel and the premise sounded intriguing. So when I saw it at the library I decided to give it a go. I absolutely could not put it down. This book left me frustrated for so many of the characters and I thought it was a great mix of dystopia within a semi present-day setting. However, I know it's gotten mixed reviews and I am curious to hear more from people who had issues with it. 

What I Blogged: 

As mentioned, blogging was scarce in March. I did manage to post a review on Catch and Kill by: Ronan Farrow, and that post sparked some really interesting dialogue. But overall it was difficult to find time in March to dedicate to blogging. 

Favourite Blog Posts of the Month: 

Marie shares a blind-date with an Underrated YA Book 

Cee invites us to remember that The Little Things are There to Enjoy 

Greg reads from Aldebaran 

Life Stuff: 

As mentioned, I was quite busy in March. Mainly my job as a TA took over and I was marking a whole lot of essays. We don't have too big of a turnaround time between when an assignment is due and when the marks need to be released so I was basically marking 24/7. Such is the life of a contract worker! 

Final assignments are due in April too so blogging will probably be inconsistent until May. But I am a bit sad that the semester is coming to a close because I do really enjoy being a TA and I'm upset that this chapter at my university is coming to a close. 

I've been a bit stressed also trying to find a place to live in Ottawa, as I'm moving there for my PhD in the summer. Rent is so expensive everywhere and it's been a struggle to find a location in semi-close proximity to the university without also having to have me take on a full time job. Fingers crossed that something good will become available soon! 

Overall, it wasn't a bad month, just a busy one. I did find the month went by super fast and I am happy that the weather is starting to warm up. 

That was my March. How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators

Genre: Non-Fiction, Crime 

Published: October 15, 2019 by: Little, Brown and Company 

Pages: 608

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: detailed descriptions of sexual assault against both women and minors 

In 2017, Ronan Farrow, a reporter working with NBC news, was led to a story about numerous sexual abuse allegations made against one of Hollywood's most powerful producers: Harvey Weinstein. In the months following, Farrow made attempts to put together the pieces of this story that soon would unravel Hollywood as we know it. But threats by the producer and by NBC itself proved to be challenging to Farrow's career and his own safety. Catch and Kill is a detailed description of the steps Farrow took to bring this story to public eyes despite all of the people in power advising him not to. 

I was very late to the game when it came to this book. But finally I saw it at the library over the summer and I just knew it was time to pick it up. I remember when the #MeToo movement, which was started by Tarana Burke in 2006, made waves across Hollywood, and quite frankly, the world. I remember men saying this was a "witch hunt," and that pretty soon, no man would be safe. I remember news organizations documenting Weinstein's eventual arrest and how some who once defended him cowardly declined to talk about it. I know people called this one of the "best kept secrets in Hollywood," until Farrow decided enough was enough. This text was overall a powerful crime novel about how men in positions of power work to abuse that power through physical and emotional force against innocent victims, and how victims are often scared into silence. 

The only thing I really knew about Farrow before going into this book is that he is the son of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen. I was wondering if Allen's own sexual abuse would be mentioned within this text, but Farrow handles this issue with sensitivity and transparency, especially considering how Allen's victim was Farrow's sister Dylan. Farrow acknowledges that this story is not his to tell, as his sister has documented for years Allen's abuses against her, but he also acknowledges that Allen's abuse continues to perpetuate how men in Hollywood seek to abuse and cover up. I really appreciated how Farrow took every step to establish himself as an unbiased journalist simply reporting on an issue, and not tying anything to his family name or stories that are not his to tell. He gives respect to his sister and also respect to himself by not speaking on issues personal to him. In handling this situation, he showed what a great reporter he is by refusing to let this issue go unsaid, but also respecting the victims involved. 

The book was well-organized and easy to follow. Farrow handles everything sequentially, beginning from when he first started investigating the story, to more recent times when similar abuses were also being shared. I think he really did well to establish a recognizable timeline to the story, despite some of the abuses going back decades. He took care to be clear in his reporting of significant dates and significant connections that needed to be made between these dates and the context of Weinstein's crimes. He also is able to keep descriptions of crimes or descriptions of victims brief and private if needed. He doesn't overshare if it is not needed, especially considering the overall sensitivity of this story. 

One thing that I appreciate that Farrow does do, is namedrop when applicable. Since Weinstein was such a powerful figure in Hollywood, a lot of folks in Hollywood had much to say (or rather not say) about this issue. Farrow makes clear that some of the most well-loved, writers, directors, actors and actresses of Hollywood knew things, but didn't say anything. Or, they found it difficult to believe that Weinstein would do such a thing. Farrow doesn't dance around details that need to be addressed. He makes clear that those who didn't speak up are not on trial, and yet, this book does put into perspective how often in the movie and tv industry, people know things but choose to stay silent to protect their own careers. Now some people needed their careers in order to keep living. But some, had enough privilege that speaking on these issues would not have had an affect on them. And yet, they chose the easy way out. Why was this? Well, Farrow doesn't get the chance to really interview everyone in depth. But he did reach out to many recognizable names who knew or worked with Weinstein to get their opinions. And I was shocked by how many declined to comment. 

Farrow also takes care to fact-check with The New Yorker, the news organization that published his piece. He doesn't let anything he says be up to assumption or opinion, rather every single bombshell he drops has evidence to back it up, which is so important when relying on good reporting. These facts are shocking, but needed so that Farrow can help the victims in this situation have the right to credible news reporting. I can't imagine the stress that Farrow and others helping him were under this time period, but truly they were doing such important work to help raise awareness of this story. 

Overall, this book is a must-read for future journalists, crime writers, or those who simply know a bit about the MeToo movement but want to know more about how and why it affected Hollywood. Farrow's dedication to the field of journalism cannot be forgotten, nor can the brave stories of Weinstein's victims be forgotten either. 

Have you read Catch and Kill? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: February

I am so happy we're in the month of spring. February was rough weather-wise, and just a few days ago I had such a stressful time driving home because of a massive snowstorm. I do not like this weather and am looking forward to a change. Anyways, here's the good stuff that happened this month: 

What I Read: 

I'm Glad My Mom Died by: Jennette McCurdy: 5/5 stars 

Braiding Sweetgrass by: Robin Wall Kimmerer: 4.5/5 stars 

Hunting by Stars by: Cherie Dimaline: 5/5 stars 

Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail by: Ashley Herring Blake: 3/5 stars 

The Theban Plays by: Sophocles: 4/5 stars 

Obasan by: Joy Kogawa: 3/5 stars 

Favourite Book: I was so excited to finally be able to get my hands on a copy of I'm Glad My Mom Died by: Jennette McCurdy. I've read nothing but positive reviews about this book, and as someone who grew up watching McCurdy on tv, this text really provided some shocking but important insights into the toxic culture of growing up on tv. McCurdy is a fantastic writer and I hope she continues to write more. 

What I Blogged: 

I really enjoyed writing my post about Performative Reading. I like when the inspiration to write a book comes from outside of the bookish world, and the inspiration from this post came from a really important talk I attended. The insights people provided in the comments were also very helpful, and I definitely want to continue this conversation. 

Favourite Blog Posts of the Month: 

Kit reveals Why They Like Redemption Arcs 

Cait talks 2023 Book Releases You Need to Read 

Lissa shares Meet-Cutes and "Meet-Awkwards" From Books 

Life Stuff: 

The big and good news from this month is that I got into my PhD program! It was such a coincidence how I found out as I got the email while talking about acceptance letters with a friend, but I am so unbelievably happy. Now comes the hard and not so fun stuff of budgeting, finding a place to live, figuring it all out, etc. But for now I can celebrate, which is good :) 

This month I am looking forward to some birthday celebrations and eating lots of Easter chocolate. With some work as usual sprinkled in as well. 

That was my February? How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Paperback's Pondering's: "Performative" Reading: When Reading Books by Marginalized People Became Popular

CW: this post will discuss the murder of George Floyd, the discovery of unmarked graves in Kamloops, B.C., residential schools, and anti-Black racism 

On my social media feed, I never saw more people reading books written by Black people than in the first few weeks after the murder of George Floyd. Suddenly, my timeline was flooded with people reading THUG by: Angie Thomas, Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race by: Reni Eddo-Lodge, and So You Want to Talk About Race by: Ijeoma Oluo. I too joined the cause to read more books by Black authors, and even books written by other marginalized groups, as I recognized that Indigenous folks in Canada face similar prejudices. But, after a few weeks passed, action on social media seemed to quiet down, and some Black creators began commenting about how the fight needs to continue way beyond when a Black person is murdered. 

I can't remember the exact video they said this, but I remember when Jesse @ Bowties and Books asked poignantly why a Black man had to die for people to start reading books written by Black people. I thought they really put into words the culture of social activism that occurs when something terrible happens, when everyone wants to get involved, but how the activism doesn't always continue past the tragedy. This quote also allowed me to consider when I read books by marginalized authors, but more specifically, what books by marginalized authors I read. Yes, it's important to educate oneself about the trauma that marginalized folks face, but it is also crucial to integrate books of marginalized folks experiencing joy. We need to see marginalized individuals beyond the stereotypes of "victims and perpetuators" (which Eve Tuck so eloquently puts in her article: "Suspending Damage," link below!) 

So, why I am I bringing up this conversation in 2023? Because earlier this week, I had the privilege of attending a talk with Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, who is a Mississauga Nishnaabeg writer, and Robyn Maynard, who is a Black Canadian writer. One person in the conversation asked the two writers about allyship, which prompted me to ask them how they felt about the performative activism regarding reading that occured in 2020 and even in 2021 after the discovery of unmarked graves near a former residential school in B.C. I wanted to get their opinions on this very polarizing and complicated discussion, as it has been something I have been pondering over the years. Is all reading for activism good, even if it is performative? When does reading for activism become performative? Is it when Indigo puts out a table in their stores during Pride Month to celebrate LGBTQ+ voices? Is that enough? 

Robyn Maynard answered first, and she said something that really opened my eyes. She started off her statement by saying that she had a "controversial" opinion on the subject, which is that she doesn't really care how non-Black individuals consume Black abolitionist content, as long as they are doing so. She said that if someone thinks that reading books on abolition is "cool" then who is she to stop them? She did consider that continuity is a problem, so if someone is not consuming Black-led content on a regular basis, then we can look critically on that, but overall, she sees any reading of Black books to be a good thing, regardless of intention. 

Maynard's comments allowed me to think about performative reading and how BIPOC writers and readers may have a diversity of opinions on the subject. I think I had limited myself to the viewpoint that if someone is really only reading activist books for the "hype," then they are not contributing to activism as a whole. But Maynard really helped me to see the chain reaction that occurs once someone reads a book. They may like it, they may post about it on social media, and that inspires other people to pick up the book. Yes, hype may be a factor in this reading, but if someone does take something away from the book, then something was gained from the hype. Continuity is something that needs to be addressed, but at its core, performative reading may help to gain more readership in a positive way. 

Leanne Betasamosake Simpson expanded on Robyn's comments by noting how social media activism played a role in the Idle No More movement. Overall, both of these scholars note that we can often critique performative activism and reading for its intention, but there is also major positives to be gained when someone shares and posts these texts. This conversation helped me to recognize that I need to look at different perspectives on this subject because I think I put my opinion in a box and just looked at the critiques, while I failed to listen to BIPOC authors who suggested other viewpoints. 

Overall, all of this is just to say that yes, performative activism and performative reading should be critiqued when continuity comes into question. Also, it is completely valid for BIPOC folks to be angry when books become hyped only at the time of trauma. I think this problem reflects widely on capitalism capitalizing on when things go viral on social media. However, it is also important to see the positives in privileged folks consuming activist content, and perhaps we can trick the system so that capitalism ultimately becomes a way to get more of these books into the hands of people who need to learn from them. This talk inspired me to listen to different viewpoints and understand that not all BIPOC artists will have the same opinion on a subject, and that's okay! Learning involves diversity, and sometimes a question doesn't have just one answer. In this case, I think Maynard and Betasamosake Simpson answered my question quite well. 

What do you think about performative activism/reading? Have you ever put your opinion into a box and failed to see differing perspectives? 

Eve Tuck's article: Suspending Damage 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Dancing with the Octopus by: Debora Harding

Genre: memoir

Published: August 27, 2020 by: Bloomsbury 

Pages: 384 

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: kidnapping, sexual assault, PTSD, familial abuse 

Debora Harding grew up in Omaha Nebraska, with a temperamental mother and an absent-minded father. In the winter of 1978, she is abducted a knifepoint and held for ransom by a man who will show no remorse for his crimes as Debora's life continues. While Debora is rescued and her captor is persecuted, her young adult life is forever changed not only because of her assault, but because of her parents' lack of concern for the PTSD she may be suffering. As Debora moves into her adult life, she begins to undertake a project to meet with her kidnapper in order to attempt to bring herself some closure from a life not only corrupted by a terrifying assault, but also significantly impacted by her absent and abusive parents. 

I picked up this book on a whim from the library in the "true crime" section. I am incredibly weary of true crime texts because I think the general public's obsession with reading about other people's trauma should be looked at critically. But something about the title of this book, and the cover, intrigued me. I am always willing to read a memoir, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I was amazed at Debora's intelligent prose, her willingness to integrate dark humour into an incredibly traumatic story, and most importantly, her ability to highlight that her assault and kidnapping were not the only abusive events she encountered in her childhood. I think Harding is an incredible writer, and I would encourage all those who enjoy memoirs to give this one a read. 

I am pretty receptive to dark humour within texts. But, a book that manages to integrate dark humour into a crime involving kidnapping and assault seems daunting. Harding's humour may be tough for some to digest. But, I could really see how humour was used by her as a coping mechanism as she tried to deal with her trauma without any help from her family. When her family wasn't there, humour allowed for her to escape from all of the harsh realities of her current situation. I admired Harding's willingness to be open about such a difficult time in her life in the events after her kidnapping, and her humour I think helped for me to see just how seriously she was neglected by her family after her assault. 

Harding characterizes her kidnapper, and her parents, with honest portrayals that is needed in order for the reader to see how serious her situation was. She absolutely does not sugar-coat anything, and she often refers to her kidnapper as a "fucking asshole," and recounts in visceral detail the insensitive and victim-blaming statements her mother said to her after her assault. These statements are difficult to get through, and I would encourage everyone to go through the content warnings and approach this book with caution. It is tough. However, I can see that through writing this book, Harding was able to hold nothing back because she was told to hold everything back within her childhood. This book gives her the ability to unload her trauma when her parents would rather have had her forget about it. If you can get through these harsh portrayals, then you can really see why using visceral details is therapeutic for Harding. 

A key moment in the text that I found was handled with sensitivity and incredible intelligence is when Harding talks about the race of her kidnapper. Harding was kidnapped by a Black man, and as a white woman, she is very much aware of the conversations that arise when considering racial stereotypes and crime. Harding's explanation is thoughtful and very informative. She acknowledges the stereotypes that Black men face when it comes to crime, and she also explains how Black people are disproportionally incarcerated in US prisons. She also recognizes that this man happened to be Black, but cautions readers against making her crime an example that these stereotypes are true. I don't think Harding had to discuss race at all in her book, but the fact that she took the time to explain racial stereotypes and how her kidnapper's crime does not invite readers to perpetuate harmful stereotypes was incredibly thoughtful. 

Overall, this book was a shocking, deeply personal account of what happens in the aftermath of a crime to victims who do not have familial support. I think Harding's story is one that everyone who is interested in true crime should read, as this book shows that behind the glamourization of criminals within popular culture, there are real victims whose lives are anything but entertainment. 

Have you read Dancing with the Octopus? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: January

We all survived the first month of 2023, go us! This month was filled with loads of stress, but also loads of reading. Here's what happened: 

What I Read: 

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by: Gabrielle Zevin: 4/5 stars 

Funny You Should Ask by: Elissa Sussman: 4/5 stars 

Slash by: Jeanette Armstrong: 4/5 stars 

Time's Convert by: Deborah Harkness: 4/5 stars 

One Italian Summer by: Rebecca Serle: 3/5 stars 

Bridgerton Series books 1-3: avg. rating: 3.5/5 stars 

I read a lot this month! When I'm stressed, I read, and this month was full of stress reading. I would say my favourite book would be Tomorrow x3 by: Gabrielle Zevin. I didn't expect to like this book as much as I did, but it was a really poignant character-driven novel that will tug at your heart strings. 

What I Blogged: 

I'm still on top of reviews, which meets one of my New Year's Resolutions. My review on You Made a Fool of Death With Your Beauty would probably be my favourite review I wrote this month, as it was fun to try to put my complicated feelings towards this book into words. 

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Claire reviews Emily Ratajkowski's "My Body." 

Nicole's releasing her Debut MG Novel in Verse 

Cee says: You Can't Do All of the Things, All of the Time (And That's Ok) 

Life Stuff: 

As I mentioned before, I was a bit stressed this month. Writing the research proposal for my PhD applications (due on February 1st) was a very trying time, as I had a lot of different opinions on how the proposal should go that I just really ended up writing in circles. It's submitted now, and all I can really do is wait. I really don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get in, but I'm trying to tell myself now that I can't predict the future or what the committee's going to think, and that rejection is a part of life. (Even though it really sucks). 

Other than that, I've been working as a teaching assistant at the university I did my degrees at, and it's been fun! I really enjoy leading seminars and grading papers, and it's been a welcome distraction from the chaos. Next week the students start learning about The Marrow Thieves, which as some of you may know, is a book really important to me, and it's going to be really rewarding to share with the students why this book is important to learn from. 

So now we start the waiting game for hopefully some acceptance letters, and just continue going though the motions of life. I do hope all of you guys had a good January. 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

The Prince and the Dressmaker by: Jen Wang

Genre: Young Adult Fiction, Graphic Novel 

Published: February 13, 2018 

Pages: 277 

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: minor bullying regarding gender norms 

In a regal setting inspired by Paris, Prince Sebastian is waiting for the king and queen to find him a suitable wife. However, the prince is less enthused about marriage and would rather twirl around in beautiful dresses made by his best friend Frances. At night, Frances and Sebastian sneak out and take the fashion world by storm. But Sebastian's princely duties are starting to catch up with him, and he begins to wonder if he can be both a ruler, and a beautiful fashion icon at the same time. 

This book was an absolute delight. I saw it in a bookstore when I was on vacation back in the summer, and I just knew it would be one that I would need the physical copy of. The pictures were whimsical and fun, and the story was heartwarming and refreshing. I would recommend this book to tweens, teens and even adults looking for something easy to read. 

Jen Wang went above and beyond creating beautiful artwork in a gorgeous colour palette. The book is made up of pastel artwork that perfectly captures the whimsy nature of the book. I loved the use of soft pinks throughout the panels, and I couldn't help but focus in on the pictures even when my mind naturally goes to the words in a graphic novel. Wang made the pictures so soft and sweet. 

The story is full of fluff and fashion, though without being dull. Wang is still able to build action and tension within the text, but not in a way that automatically defaults to trauma. Yes, Sebastian does endure some stigma due to his like for wearing dresses. But the book ends on such a happy and hopeful note, and just when you think this is going to be a sad tale, the ending turns out to be so positive. Not to mention that the final few panels are just really fun as well. 

I have to say that I really liked that Wang doesn't really label Sebastian's gender or sexuality throughout the text. I think it's easy to stereotype boys wearing dresses, and saying that they are gay. Or that masc-presenting people who wear dresses must not be cisgender. But Wang just lets Sebastian be Sebastian, without the labels. He has a wholesome, adorable relationship with his best friend Frances, who was also a well-rounded character you can't help but root for. I appreciated the side plots that involved fashion within the story, as seeing Frances have a passionate career in the industry was really cool to see. 

Overall, this book was easy to get through, light and fluffy, and a great example of how to show positive representation of challenging gender norms without resorting to trauma. I think this book would be perfect for tweens wanting to get into reading graphic novels, and the message can't be beat. 

Have you read The Prince and the Dressmaker? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess