Paperback's Ponderings: Leaving Things to the "Experts"

I can be a very indecisive person. I am the type of person who will ask a lot of people their opinion on a subject and then will make my decision based on what they recommend. This gets tricky when people suggest different things. But anyways, I think that I often assume people have more expertise on a subject than me. This sometimes leads to me selling myself short and then going along with what someone tells me to do even if it isn't necessarily what I want to do. A lifetime in school has made me realize that maybe I shouldn't always be leaving my decisions to be made by the "experts." 

I'm going to relate this subject mostly on academic-related activities, but I think this idea can apply to a lot of different scenarios. I have been working on non-stop essays and editing projects for the past three years or so. More often than not I have a professor working alongside me in these projects; they are there to offer edits and suggestions. However, since I am often a victim of the inner saboteur, I think I let suggestions and constructive feedback take over my project, to the point where I'm not even sure at the end if I like the project I'm writing. I don't think academics offer advice in a strict "you have to do this" way, but my own low self-esteem just assumes that they know what they're talking about more than I do. And this is not to say that an esteemed professor who has been editing a whole lot more than me doesn't sometimes know what's best. However, I also wish that I was able to advocate for myself more and for my own self interests.

There was one time last year where I turned down advice, and oh boy was it uncomfortable for me! A professor had offered a suggestion that I just didn't want to go with, and I had my heart set on a different direction. My friends told me that I needed to stand my ground (there's me asking for advice again, lol). But in this case, it was important that I listened to the advice of my friends. I was letting someone who can be very assertive make decisions for me, and while I know those decisions came with good intentions, I definitely needed to practice being assertive back. After all, life only gets more complicated, and I do not want to enter the workforce as someone who lets others walk all over her. To this day, I still question if I made the right decision. But the practice of advocating for myself I think did make me all the more stronger. 

I think I need to rethink how I conceive of people's expertise. I need to listen attentively when someone gives me advice, but also not let them make all of my decisions for me. I need to make sure that my strengths are shown in a project, as opposed to someone else's. Most importantly, especially as a woman, I think I need to be more assertive to build my confidence. I'm not ignorant to the way that sexism functions in academia, and I'll be damned if I let a man run my life. 

This is my self-reflection. While I understand that having an anxiety disorder definitely makes these situations all the more complicated, I think practicing assertion is a great way to show anxiety who's boss. 

What do you think? Do you often let others make decisions for you? What is your definition of an "expert?" 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Moon of the Crusted Snow by: Waubgeshig Rice

Genre: Speculative Fiction

Published: October 2, 2018 by: ECW Press 

Pages: 213 

Rating: 4/5 stars 

CW: discussions about the genocide of Indigenous Peoples, trauma caused by colonization, cannibalism, blood and gore 

Right before winter, a northern Anishinaabe community mysteriously loses power. The band council attempt to keep residents safe and calm, and rations and restrictions are put into place. Evan Whitesky and his young family are one of the many affected by this dangerous event. However, order doesn't last for long when an outsider makes his way into the community and persuades some members that he knows how to cope with this situation the best. When residents start to go missing and the visitor's priorities begin to be questioned, Evan and other residents decide to fight back. 

I heard of this book through a mention on Greg's blog. Thanks Greg! I will read any speculative fiction by an Indigenous author, so I knew this book was right up my street. I thought the premise and the setting (wintertime in one community) could make for an interesting book, as stakes become raised even higher when community members are shut off from electricity during the coldest time of year. I overall thought this book delivered on providing an eerie and engaging plot, though I did have some trouble with the ending that prevented this from being a new favourite. 

I liked Evan as the "unlikely hero" to the book. He is a father of two young children and he just wants to make sure that they stay warm and fed. He doesn't really want to get into any vigilantism or rustle any feathers with people in the community. However, because of his protective nature, he develops over the book to really want to protect the community as if all of the residents were his children. He immediately can sense trouble once the main antagonist comes into the community and I really loved his rational personality and level-headedness. 

The tone of this book is quit haunting, and reads very closely like a gothic. The isolated setting (seeing as the community becomes cut off from neighbours because of the lack of electricity), and the chilly environment made for some really engaging tropes. I saw a bit of The Shining in this text with its keeping of the winter season, but this book really does stand on its own by being an original work of spec fic with some clever horror elements weaved throughout. Never did I feel bored, I kept turning the pages to see what was next. I wanted these characters to make it through the dystopia, and Rice did well to build up that tension of wanting to turn the page. 

Now, the main let down for me in this book was the ending. I was waiting patiently for the climax when the main antagonist would be confronted, and found myself getting close to the end with no turning point in site. Then finally, with mere pages to spare, comes the main conflict and supposed resolution. The problem I had though is that the ending seemed to me to be so rushed that I was left with many unanswered questions. I overall thought that the ending could've been drawn out more, because for me, it was a bit of a let down. 

If you like dystopias and are looking to read more diverse speculative fiction books, I would give this one a go. The premise is quite unique and the plot wasn't predictable. I feel I may be slightly in the minority of people who didn't love the ending, but it just wasn't my cup of tea. 

Have you read Moon of the Crusted Snow? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Month in Review: June

I went on a very much unscheduled hiatus for the majority of June. Life events just caught up with me! But I'm glad to be back now and am ready to recap June. 

What I Read: 

Unreconciled by: Jesse Wente: 4.5/5 stars 

Finlay Donovan Jumps the Gun by: Elle Cosimano: 2.5/5 stars 

You Don't Have A Shot by: Racquel Marie: 4/5 stars 

Secretly Yours by: Tessa Bailey: 3/5 stars 

Ms. Marvel: Teenage Wasteland by: G. Willow Wilson and Nico Leon: 4/5 stars

Favourite book: I really enjoyed Unreconciled by Jesse Wente. I read a few excerpts from the book when I was TAing earlier this year, and I thought it was a super informative read on Indigenous resistance and the true meaning behind reconciliation. 

What I Blogged: 

As mentioned before, I did trail off from posting in the middle of the month. But, I did update you all on the Changes by blog went through, and I am overall very happy with my new graphics and the new directions my blog is taking. 

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Because of my blog absence, I didn't get to do a whole lot of blog hopping last month :( Sorry friends! I feel like I opened my laptop in July and realized I missed out on so many posts. It took me a while to catch up. But if you have a post you are proud of, link it in the comments! 

Life Stuff: 

June was BUSY. I had weddings, vacations, graduations, and much more. I also got a new laptop which will make writing and blogging a lot easier. I ended the month with the great news of finally finding a new place to live, and feeling more prepared for school which makes me so happy. I hope the final two summer months will go by smoothly with as little stress as possible. But of course, moving always carries with it a bit of stress. Wish me luck in packing! 

That was my June. How was yours? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess