Paperback's Ponderings: Leaving Things to the "Experts"

I can be a very indecisive person. I am the type of person who will ask a lot of people their opinion on a subject and then will make my decision based on what they recommend. This gets tricky when people suggest different things. But anyways, I think that I often assume people have more expertise on a subject than me. This sometimes leads to me selling myself short and then going along with what someone tells me to do even if it isn't necessarily what I want to do. A lifetime in school has made me realize that maybe I shouldn't always be leaving my decisions to be made by the "experts." 

I'm going to relate this subject mostly on academic-related activities, but I think this idea can apply to a lot of different scenarios. I have been working on non-stop essays and editing projects for the past three years or so. More often than not I have a professor working alongside me in these projects; they are there to offer edits and suggestions. However, since I am often a victim of the inner saboteur, I think I let suggestions and constructive feedback take over my project, to the point where I'm not even sure at the end if I like the project I'm writing. I don't think academics offer advice in a strict "you have to do this" way, but my own low self-esteem just assumes that they know what they're talking about more than I do. And this is not to say that an esteemed professor who has been editing a whole lot more than me doesn't sometimes know what's best. However, I also wish that I was able to advocate for myself more and for my own self interests.

There was one time last year where I turned down advice, and oh boy was it uncomfortable for me! A professor had offered a suggestion that I just didn't want to go with, and I had my heart set on a different direction. My friends told me that I needed to stand my ground (there's me asking for advice again, lol). But in this case, it was important that I listened to the advice of my friends. I was letting someone who can be very assertive make decisions for me, and while I know those decisions came with good intentions, I definitely needed to practice being assertive back. After all, life only gets more complicated, and I do not want to enter the workforce as someone who lets others walk all over her. To this day, I still question if I made the right decision. But the practice of advocating for myself I think did make me all the more stronger. 

I think I need to rethink how I conceive of people's expertise. I need to listen attentively when someone gives me advice, but also not let them make all of my decisions for me. I need to make sure that my strengths are shown in a project, as opposed to someone else's. Most importantly, especially as a woman, I think I need to be more assertive to build my confidence. I'm not ignorant to the way that sexism functions in academia, and I'll be damned if I let a man run my life. 

This is my self-reflection. While I understand that having an anxiety disorder definitely makes these situations all the more complicated, I think practicing assertion is a great way to show anxiety who's boss. 

What do you think? Do you often let others make decisions for you? What is your definition of an "expert?" 

Emily @ Paperback Princess