Writing Woes: Writer's Block, Rambling, and Self-Doubt

CW: this post will discuss low self-esteem and self-doubt 

Most of the writing I do nowadays is writing research papers. I'm just living that student life. But, I do love writing them. I enjoy reading theory and looking at articles that can help support my argument. It feels good to add your opinions to a growing conversation in an academic field. However, what I often don't realize is how writer's block can affect me while writing research papers just as much as it affects people writing creative fiction or non-fiction. And boy is it hitting me hard right now :( 

I'm currently writing a paper that I'm presenting at a conference at the end of the month. The paper is part of a panel on navigating the Canadian publishing industry, and I am focusing it in my research interest of Indigenous Literatures. I am centring my paper around an article by Eve Tuck, which argues that marginalized people are historically stereotyped as victims or perpetrators in media. I connect these stereotypes to the same type of stereotyping that occurs within the publishing industry as a whole. Writing the proposal for my paper was very easy, and the wheels really started turning. However, ever since my paper got accepted, I've been at a standstill as to how to go about writing it. I just feel as if my ideas aren't strong enough to support a paper, and my thoughts are running thin. I'm concerned that this paper's idea will not come across accurately when presenting it. I'm concerned about being a failure. 

This is the first research paper I've written in some time, as I took some time off of school to be a teaching assistant. So, I was doing the marking as opposed to having my own work critiqued. Now I feel a bit out of practice. I think it's just taken me a while to get back into the swing of writing and organize my ideas as affectively as I used to. I had confidence that writing would come back to me rather quickly, but now that confidence has all but diminished as I wonder where the hell this paper is even going. I know papers can deviate from their proposals, but now I feel as if my paper is straying too far away from the message. Idk, I'm very stressed. 

I'm well aware that low self-esteem and self-doubt play a huge part of this. In academia and in the publishing world there is definitely a shared feeling of imposter syndrome, that everyone is smarter than me and my ideas just aren't strong enough. I've received positive feedback on my writing in the past, but that isn't enough to think that one day will be the day that I fail, that I embarrass myself in front of colleagues and I don't have my work taken seriously. But the thing is, I KNOW these feelings aren't exclusive just to me, and that countless other students (and folks from other fields) experience the exact same thing. However, that doesn't necessarily help the feelings of isolation. It's easy to think of yourself as alone in these instances. 

Often in these moments I invite myself to think of the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario in this case is that I don't even have a finished paper to present. That cannot happen as I already have words on paper. However good these words are? Well I'm not exactly sure just yet. But, I need to keep reminding myself that even if things go awry, the world will keep turning. I will cope, simply because I have to. I will keep going with my degree because I want to. My degree is not riding on this paper going well, and it is possible for me to pick myself up if it goes wrong and try to do better the next time. It sucks feeling like you're not good enough. But, like writer's block, this too shall pass. 

Have you ever had feelings of self-doubt? Any tips on helping my slump? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess