Friday 16 October 2020

OCD Awareness Week: My Problems With the Word "Obsession"

 CW: This post will discuss obsessions and intrusive thoughts related to OCD, as well as ableist language related to OCD and other mental illnesses. 

If you're apart of fan culture, you've probably said the word "obsessed" before. In fact, I am guilty of this myself. "Omg, I am obsessed with Stranger Things," "this book has me obsessed!" "Here are my latest fall obsessions." The word is everywhere, and is very much used colloquially in day to day life. But, my relationship with the word has changed overtime. And now, I see it as more of a negative word, with negative connotations. This is all stemming from the fact that, if you have OCD, you know that the word "obsessed" is much more than simply liking a tv show. 

People struggling with OCD have to deal with many people mis-using language related to our disorder. The sentence: "I am so OCD" gets on my last nerve. It is insensitive, stereotypical, and nine times out of ten, the person using it does not have OCD or know anything about OCD experiences. If you're a neat person, that does not necessarily mean you have OCD. STOP USING THAT SENTENCE. But, a word that gets used very much in common language that I have started to have some problems with, is the word "obsessed." 

The truth is, many of the people using this term colloquially probably have never experienced what a real obsession is. Obsessions take over your life. They consume you. They cause you unimaginable stress. Liking avocado toast, or enjoying some new trends during fall, are not obsessions. For someone who sees obsessions as such a negative thing, this word being thrown around like it's no problem is a little hurtful. In fact, the dictionary definition of obsession says: "an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind." The word most important here is "intrudes." This denotes that an obsession is unwelcome. It is not positive. 

One of my largest obsessions right now is related to a tv show I like. But, these obsessions do not give me joy. I am constantly thinking about the people on this show. I feel the need to watch this show to ignore my problems instead of facing them. These obsessions have made me petrified that this show will take over my life, and so I have resorted to avoiding content related to this show, and the celebrities that I really love. Celebrities who I look up to, have now sent me into panic attacks. All because of an obsession. 

I'm not writing this to get any sympathy. Similarly, I'm not writing this expecting that this word will be completely taken out of everyone's vocabulary. I completely recognize that there are bigger problems than the use of this word. There are a lot more offensive words that people still use that harm groups of people, and those should be dealt with first. We should be ensuring that marginalized individuals with mental illnesses get the help they need, and we should be paying great attention to folks with lesser-known mental illnesses to ensure that they are not stereotyped. Using "obsession" is not the biggest issue at hand right now, I totally get that. 

However, I have been thinking a lot recently about how common mental-illness language appears in people's vocabulary. These words seem so simple to people who do not deal with these illnesses. People don't understand that for people with mental illness, these words become dirty. We don't want to hear them used as jokes, we don't want you to undermine them. 

I'm not sure how to go about a solution to this problem. Because like I said, I'm not expecting a word that is so commonly used to magically disappear. Please do not feel like I'm calling you out if you use this word, or that you're a bad person because you use this word, because that is not the case. I have used this word in the past as well. But, I do think it is important that we are more conscious about how the language we use affects others. We should be willing to listen, we should be willing to learn. As more people are working to break the stigma of mental illnesses, changes need to be made. If it does not consume your life and make your life extremely difficult, then you cannot be "obsessed" with something. Keep that in mind. 

For more information related to OCD, visit The International OCD Foundation 

Struggling with your mental health? Visit Mind Your Mind for Canadian and International Resources

Emily @ Paperback Princess

17 comments:

  1. This is such an excellent post, Emily! I have heard about the problem of using "obsessed" and while I try to pay attention to not using it, I'm sure I slip up quite a lot of times. :| Like you said, this word is so ingrained in our everyday language it's difficult to avoid it, but I do believe we should all try our best. If we all paid attention to this, it could become so much less used.

    The use of obsession reminds me of the way we use "binge" - like, binge watching, or binge reading. I've seen people with eating disorders speak up against the casual use of that world, so that's another one I want to learn to avoid totally.

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    1. Thank you Veronika! I appreciate that you try. That's all any of us can ask.

      I have also heard about the problems of the word "binge." I've tried to take that word out of my vocabulary, as well as "addict." So many words get adopted into fandom culture, but we fail to realize the implications behind them!

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  2. Thanks for sharing this Emily! For the last couple of years, I have been trying to be aware and careful with the language I use. I try to not use words like insane, crazy, binge, obsessed and some other, but ableist language is so common and seen as normal that it's hard.

    Sofia @ Bookish Wanderess

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  3. Thanks for sharing this, Emily! In the last couple of years, I have become more aware of and more careful with the language I use. There are so many words that we use all the time and that we shouldn't because we don't experience what they truly mean. I try to be careful and not use words like insane, crazy, binge, addict, obsession, and some others, but ableist language is so common and seen as "normal" that it's hard. Still, I think we all can and need to do better!

    Sofia @ Bookish Wanderess

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    1. Absolutely! The thing is, these words are so ingrained in common language that it might take years for them to be taken out of our vocabulary. But, little things we can do like making conscious choices about when we speak and catching ourselves when we slip up, make all the difference.

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  4. This was a great post Emily! I think it really shines a light on how important it is to be mindful of the language we use especially because ableist language is just normalized. Shining the light on where everyone can improve as a community to important and a good learning moment to hopefully make society more open and welcoming.

    riv @ small stained pages

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    1. Exactly! Those are all great points, Riv! I'm glad you enjoyed the post :)

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  5. I love this post Emily. I feel like topics like this aren't talked about enough. I'm still in the process of phasing out 'crazy' (and other similar words) from my vocabulary after reading a slew of books on the history of madness and mental illness two years ago. It's definitely a slow process and I've slipped up more than once but I want to make a commitment to start phasing out more of these terms. I think it helps a lot to have a ready alternative in your brain and also to let other people know about too, similar to the strategy being used right now to phase out the casual use of "spirit animal" and instead using "patronus" even better something like "kindred spirit" or just avoiding the construction altogether. I definitely think a lot of change is going to happen by kindly bringing the topic up like what you're doing here! By avoiding the defensive nature of humans we can skip right to making things better. The beauty of language is that it's entirely made up based on what the users want so it's just about getting people on board!

    Laura @BlueEyeBooks

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    1. I like how you said that we should avoid the defensive nature of humans. If more people were just willing to learn rather than put up a fight, then change could happen a lot sooner rather than later!

      I definitely slip up too. But apologizing and moving on is the way to go :) Thanks Laura!

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  6. I honestly hadn't thought about using the word 'obsessed' as being a problem - I'll try to be more careful when using it in future. I think it's difficult, sometimes, to re-interpret words which pre-date terms for certain conditions, like obsess pre-dating OCD (that's not an excuse, so much as an explanation to why people may not click at the association, yours truly included.)

    Btw, after reading this I looked up the etymology (word origin,) and found that it used to mean 'besieged,' 'haunted,' or 'possessed (as if by an evil spirit),' and the current meaning developed in about the 19th Century. I have no idea whether that was in any way interesting, but I nerd out about these things! XD

    Great post Em :) <3 <3 <3

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    1. Those are some great points, Cee! I think it's important that we pay attention to the meanings of words and how they evolve overtime. What was once acceptable, may not be now, and it's all about adapting :)

      I didn't know about the etymology of obsessed! That is kinda cool, and not too far off from my personal definition of the word today. OCD does seem like a haunting disorder sometimes.

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  7. This was a very needed post. Ableist language is so subtle sometimes - or so widely used with a different connotation than the one it really has - that we can't even seem to catch ourselves using those words improperly. But if we are decent human beings, knowing that our misusing certain words causes pain to someone else should be reason enough for us to stop.

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    1. I totally agree with that, Roberta! The problem with ableist language is that a lot of it is super sneaky. We have to do the work of looking closely at our language and finding alternatives when needed.

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  8. So interesting to read your perspective on this. I honestly would never have thought about using the word obsessed before, so thank you for bringing this to my attention.

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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    1. Thanks for reading, Nicole! I'm glad I could shed some light on the subject.

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  9. This is so true. People need to know that saying sentences like this makes you more than just 'rude', it is extremely insensitive. It's like saying: "I'm so tired, it feels like I've just had chemotherapy!" I don't understand why people don't think that it's not wrong. I'm so sorry that you've been around people who've said things like this. Thank you for sharing and educating others.

    Love,
    thewheelchairteen.home.blog

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    1. Thanks for reading! It's definitely frustrating. But, as long as we are having these conversations and raising awareness, then hopefully more people will become more aware of the language that they use!

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