Making Peace with a New Blogging Schedule

As someone with OCD, I can be a bit difficult on myself. I'm the type of person that when I get something in my head that I need to do, it needs to be done, asap. This means, that if I plan to clean my apartment, but for whatever reason, I get super busy during the day, it's still getting done even if it's 1:00 am and I should be sleeping. I obsess over the task, and this exact scenario has happened before. 

This phenomena has led me to overthink when I write blog posts. I usually have posts go up every Friday, pending of course the long hiatuses I took during school. But if I particularly have a busy week and I don't have time to write, I still feel like I need to set aside time to write a blog post even if there are not enough hours in the day. It seems like life or death: it's in my head, so now it needs to be done. The result is that writing blog posts is not always enjoyable for me anymore. Sometimes they feel like a chore, something to just tick off of a to-do list and then head to do the other thing. So, I am challenging myself to do some revamping. 

Given my updated work schedule and just general life events, I want to push myself to undo the weekly blog schedule and instead upload posts on Fridays when my heart desires. This means I might post every Friday at first, then do every other Friday, maybe even go three Fridays before I write and schedule another post. I know this task will be uncomfortable for me as I don't want to feel like I am abandoning my blog or not fulfilling my blogging duties. But I need to get to the point where every task I complete in a day is not something that I obsess to the point where I'm making myself sick over it. Especially blogging should be enjoyable, and not a chore. 

I can get uncomfortable when routines are undone like this. But I do think it's a good first step in getting to a point where I don't need to check everything off my list in order to feel complete in a day. Then perhaps at some point I'll feel stable enough to integrate a bit more of a blogging routine again without the stress. I am hopeful that this change will be for the better. 

How are you with tasks? Do you create a strict routine for yourself? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess 

The Boy Who Could See Demons by: Carolyn Jess-Cooke

Genre: Contemporary 

Published: May 10, 2012 by: Little Brown 

Pages: 400 

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: schizophrenia, hallucinations, self-harm, suicide attempts 

Alex Connolly is a ten year old boy with a love for musical theatre and a deep loyalty to his single mother. He also has schizophrenia. After explaining to doctors that a demon named Ruen prompts him to do bad things, Alex is put into the care of child psychiatrist Anya. Anya has a special connection to Alex due to her own experiences raising a child with schizophrenia. However, Anya struggles to get Alex the help that he needs due to ongoing pressures from the mental health hospital in which Alex is admitted to, and her own memories of her daughter that she finds difficult to shake. As Anya learns more about Alex, she begins to question her own closeness to the case and whether or not she can help Alex while dealing with her own demons. 

This book is labelled as fantasy/horror on Goodreads, which I very much disagreed with. There is nothing fantastical in the literal sense in this book. This book shows a realistic depiction of schizophrenia and psychosis. Therefore, labelling the book as horror and fantasy I think stereotypes people with these experiences as villains, and I don't like that one bit. I did think that this book portrayed an interesting and realistic viewpoint of childhood schizophrenia. While Jess-Cooke notes in her author's note that she does not suffer with the disease, she cited every source and interview she used to consult on the writing of this book. I really did find myself empathetic for the characters and very much engaged with the plot. That being said, I haven't been able to find any own voices reviews of the book, so I suppose there are still some things remaining to be seen in terms of its content. 

The two main characters are Alex and Anya, and the book switches from their perspectives. All of Alex's chapters begin with the joke, as he has a very vivid imagination and a bit of a jokey personality. I always find it interesting to read a book from the perspective of a child, as I think the ways that authors take on the voice of the children can either make or break the book. In this case, I thought Jess-Cooke did a good job at capturing the voice of a ten year old, and also not making his mental illness his entire personality. Alex (despite having such vivid and visceral hallucinations), is not violent by nature. This distinction is extremely important. He loves to act, he loves his mother, and he is respectful and polite to all of the adults around him. He is not a villain. I think the author did a good job at making Alex not a stereotyped "creepy" kid. 

Anya was also a well-written character. She has some of her own trauma due to reliving her daughter's hallucinations through her treatment of Alex. That being said, she is a very good mentor to Alex and really advocates for him throughout the text even when others within the hospital choose to stereotype Alex or get in the way of his treatment. Watching Anya develop through the book as she begins to learn more about herself through Alex really allowed me to see how unique of a field childhood psychiatry can be. One must be extremely patient and sensitive throughout the entire process, and I overall though Anya had a great bedside manner. 

The book is definitely more character driven than world driven. However, an integral part of the text is that it takes place during The Troubles in Northern Ireland. This event does shape Alex's hallucinations and his relationships with the people around him. I thought this setting helped to drive the characters as I could see how life changing it could be for a child to witness such violence at a pivotal age. I don't know too much about The Troubles so of course I also learned more along the way as well. 

Overall, I loved this book. It is heavy, with a lot of difficult subject matter. So do take care of yourself while reading. There is a plot twist at the end that I didn't see coming, but I thought it was handled in a tasteful and respectful manner. If anyone can locate some own voices reviews before reading, I'm sure that'd be even more helpful. For now I will say that this book was enjoyable and a very important read. 

Have you read The Boy Who Could See Demons? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

What I Learned from the Indigenous Literary Studies Association Conference

 

Last week I travelled to Winnipeg to attend and present at the Indigenous Literary Studies Association's (ILSA)  annual conference. For those of you who don't know, I am currently completing a PhD in Indigenous Literatures, so joining this association was a no-brainer. While conferences are always a bit daunting, especially when attending as a student as opposed to a professor, I took away a lot of important stuff about reading and studying Indigenous Literatures. So I thought I'd share a few things about what went down! 

Something that really stood out to me was a statement made on my first night there by Dene and Métis poet and photographer Tenille Campbell. Campbell was asked a question about her opinions on graduate school and toxicity that can sometimes brew between students and teachers. She mentioned that in her Dene community, they do not see people as being "masters" of anything. That is to say, no matter how much education a person has on a subject, that does not mean that they are now the expert. Everyone is constantly learning something at their stage of life, and we all have something important to learn from each other. Her statement really resonated with me, because especially as a student, it can sometimes be daunting to challenge a professor or even just let your statement be heard. I was baffled that on the panel I presented in, I could see professors taking notes on what I was saying. I thought to myself: "you guys are the experts, what could you possibly have to learn from me?" So Campbell's words helped to destabilize some of the hierarchal things I have been taught in school, and made me feel more comfortable at the conference. I think her words could be applicable in a lot of situations too, outside of the classroom. 

Joshua Whitehead (Peguis First Nation) is a writer and poet who I have always admired. I've mentioned him a few times on this blog as well! He gave the keynote speech at the conference which I was super excited for. He mentioned that when he reads books from communities he is not a part of (such as books by Black authors), he always remembers that he is a guest to those pages. Just as I (as a settler scholar) am a guest to Indigenous Literatures, Whitehead invited us all to consider how viewing ourselves as guests to specific pieces of writing can help us to look at that writing with more respect. We can consider how the author is gifting us their writing, and so it is important that we treat that writing with respect. This could be by not judging if there is a cultural piece of information we do not understand, and instead conducting ethical research to learn more where appropriate. I thought his words were very profound, and a lot of people may benefit from looking at their reading through this worldview. 

I would say the most important thing I learned from listening to a bunch of different scholars speak is that community is super important. Fostering a dialogue between people from various backgrounds helps us to understand our differences a bit better and create bonds based on mutual respect and reciprocity. Moreover, understanding our relationship to land and natural resources is integral to treating the land with respect so that future generations have cleaner land to look forward to. When walking around the conference grounds, my friend and I came across a man who was tending to a fire to honour missing and murdered Indigenous women. He asked us if we would like to offer some tobacco to the fire and say a prayer. His careful instructions and our listening allowed us to respectfully participate in a practice of giving something to the fire and reflecting on how we can be good allies by supporting this incredibly important cause. This was definitely one of the most important parts of my trip and will be something that I'll remember forever. 

Overall, my few days in Winnipeg were met with a lot of important opportunities. From learning about different nations, viewing traditional dance and art pieces, and overall being able to engage with scholars I've admired for a long time, each moment was a period of profound reflection. While I do have travel anxiety and was iffy about attending in the first place, I am happy that I pushed myself to embark on this experience. I ultimately think it made me a better student and overall a better human too. 

Do you read Indigenous Literatures? Have you ever attended a presentation that stuck out to you? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Black Friend by: Ziwe

Genre: Non-fiction, essays 

Published: October 17, 2023 by: Henry N. Abrams 

Pages: 192 

Rating: 4/5 stars 

CW: anti-Black racism, discussions of police brutality 

In this collection of essays from comedian and host Ziwe, the writer reflects on her years of being a Black woman in the comedy world, as well as looking back on the numerous popular interviews she has conducted on some controversial guests. Ziwe considers how her childhood impacted her career, though this text cannot be categorized as wholly a memoir. Instead, it is a culmination of various essays that ponder the state of the United States and the world, and how comedy attempts to address various issues. 

I wasn't totally familiar with Ziwe's comedy before starting this book. I knew she had conducted a viral interview with disgraced politician and fraud George Santos, but that was pretty much all I knew about her. I figured that this book might give me greater insight into her personal comedic modes and how she goes about choosing interview subjects and questions. This book definitely answered some of the questions I had on Ziwe, while also teaching me a bit more about the comedy world and how comedians deal with current affairs in their writing. 

Ziwe's humour is quite unapologetic, satirical, with tinges of sarcasm throughout. Her book has a lot of footnotes that add greater comedic context to her writing, which I definitely appreciated. I love when authors add comedic footnotes to books, to me I find them so entertaining. That was definitely a huge reason why I stayed engaged throughout all of the essays. I also did really love how most chapters began with a snippet of an interview that Ziwe has given. Most of these interviews are with controversial figures, some of which have been "cancelled" in mainstream media. Ziwe's interviews are always laced with sarcasm, but I find it fascinating how she is able to both learn more about the interview subject and make room for jokes, but not with the intention of simply tearing the subject down. While she may not agree personally with the politics of the subject, the whole interview doesn't seem like just one big roast. Instead, she can put subtle jokes in between questions to allow the subject to reflect on their own behaviour. 

I wasn't so much interested in Ziwe's childhood or personal life, moreso about her career as a comedian. This was mainly just a personal preference; I am not too familiar with her so instead of knowing more about her personally I just wanted to get a sense of her as a comedian. I think this book had a good balance of the personal with the professional, with some inevitable overlap. For example, the title of the book, Black Friend, is both a nod to a popular question Ziwe asks to her subjects: "how many Black friends do you have?, while also being pointed to how Ziwe in her personal life has been tokenized as the "Black friend." She weaves throughout the text anecdotes of being confused with other Black comedians and celebrities simply because ignorant people would group all of the Black women together. Her commentary on American politics and current affairs I thought was sound and appropriate to the time. I do find it interesting to see what comedians think of the state of the world, and if in real life they tend to have more cynical views compared to just wanting to make people laugh all the time. I would say Ziwe thrives off of her comedy, but at the same time, she is not naive to real issues. 

Overall, this was a solid read. I didn't think it really blew me away, but it had a good balance of interview snippets, commentary, and funny footnotes to keep me engaged. I think anyone curious about Ziwe's interviews might like this behind the scenes look at some of her more viral moments. 

Have you read Black Friend? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Where I've Been!

Hello all! It has been a hot minute since I've posted anything. Similar to the break I took when fall term began, I also took a break during winter term to focus solely on school. But now that the term is over and I've survived my first year of grad school, I'll have a lot more time to dedicate to blogging. But for now, here's an update from the past few months. 

What I've Read

I'll be honest, I wasn't reading consistently over winter term. In fact, I had to shorten my Goodreads goal from 100 books to 75 books this year. I think this goal will be more achievable. I did read some memoirs from Indigenous authors, such as A History of My Brief Body by Billy-Ray Belcourt. Belcourt is a queer Indigenous writer and his memoir explores familial bonds, masculinity, and critiques of Canadian colonialism. It was very well-written and I'd recommend. 

My sister has also recommended to me some thrillers to read over the summertime. I will definitely be getting into those and hopefully then my reading will become a lot more consistent. Despite not reading a whole lot, the books I did read I enjoyed, and that really is all that matters! 

Blog Stuff 

I'm really sorry that I haven't been all that consistent in commenting since the fall. Usually even if I don't blog I can blog hop, but now I'm feeling very out of the loop with what other people have been posting. I will definitely be more consistent now with keeping up with what y'all are reading and writing! 

Life Stuff 

Of course, school is now over for the year and I'm really happy with where I'm at. My grades were good, I have a solid plan for the next few years, and I'll have the opportunity later this month to visit a Canadian province I've never been to; Manitoba, to attend an Indigenous literary studies conference. I really do love presenting conference papers, so I'm excited about that. 

Over the winter I started dating again, and I have now been with my partner for five months. He makes me super happy, but of course at the beginning of our relationship we were busy getting to know each other, and figuring out if we'd be compatible. Given my social anxiety and panic disorder, entering a new relationship was not without its stressors. But I am happy to report that my partner has been amazingly supportive of my mental health and he has educated himself on how best to help me during times of panic attacks. I am truly grateful for every moment we spend together, and now that we have been dating for a bit of time, things have mellowed out so that we can just enjoy each other's company without any pressures attached. It's been very very nice and I am so happy. 

This summer I'll have to prepare for my comprehensive exam, which is a big examination that I will do in the fall which will test me on foundational texts within the field of Indigenous literary studies. Luckily I have friends also prepping for the exam, so we will definitely be supportive of each other and help one another study. But I also have some fun stuff lined up for the summer as well, including weddings, a family vacation, and maybe a baseball game or two. So it won't be all work for sure! 

That is basically what I've been up to the past few months. A lot of work, but some happy life updates as well. Like I said, I am looking forward to blogging again and reconnecting with blog friends. I'm glad to be back! 

How have you all been? Has anything new/exciting happened in your lives? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Educated by: Tara Westover

Genre: Memoir 

Published: February 20, 2018 by Random House 

Pages: 352 

Rating: 5/5 stars 

CW: graphic depictions of physical and emotional abuse

Educated is a memoir depicting Westover's childhood growing up in an ultra-religious Mormon family. Due to her parents' conservative beliefs, Tara and her siblings grew up sheltered from contemporary society. They were forbidden to listen to secular music, watch tv, and were heavily surveilled by their parents. But most importantly, they were forbidden from attending school. As such, Tara grew up with curiosity for what existed beyond her upbringing, and this curiosity eventually led to her taking an interest in getting an education. Educated follows the emotional and physical difficulties that Tara endured in trying to pursue her education while the people around her who were supposed to protect her failed her the most. 

I read this book fairly recently, just towards the end of 2023. Normally it takes me months to review books, but given that I don't know how regular my blog schedule will be, I just needed to get this review out into the word. This book is not an easy read. It is emotionally gripping, at times frustrating, and incredibly heartbreaking. There are also some graphic images in this text, so people should approach it carefully. But it is also so moving. As a student myself, who has had the privilege to learn so many things into my 20's, I admired Tara's drive to keep learning even when the odds were stacked against her. Educated therefore contextualizes years of yearning for an education that eventually accumulates into success despite many tragic difficulties. 

This book does a great job at contending with the many different facets of trauma. Since Tara endured so many layers of abuse throughout her childhood and young adulthood, she takes great care in explaining how these traumas affected her memory. There are many points throughout the book in which she admits that the memory she has around certain events are fuzzy. Sometimes she will recount her memory of an event, and then go on to recount a completely different version of that event based on how one of her siblings remembered it. I thought this was a very considerate way of writing because she takes into consideration how at times, she is not *really* a reliable narrator because of her memory loss. But being an unreliable narrator is not a bad thing, it just shows that she is careful not to accept one universal truth. She takes care to accept multiple truths based on how her trauma has contextualized those truths. If anything, Tara's willingness to accept memory loss as a part of her narrative made me more trusting of her as a storyteller. 

Since Tara's book deals with multiple people, some who had positive and some who had very negative impacts on her life, she also does a good job at protecting the confidentiality of her subjects and of herself. Tara is not the only victim of abuse in the text, as her siblings also encountered various levels of manipulation and trauma. As such, Tara makes it clear at the beginning of the text that some names are pseudonyms. I thought this detail made for a very ethical piece of non-fiction writing. Sometimes in memoirs you get writers who like to air out other people's trauma despite those people not consenting for them to do so. This detail showed me that Tara is conscious about how some people may receive her story and she protects herself from blame in how she portrays certain events. 

I thought the text was very well organized in its portrayal of how Tara achieved her education. We follow her from a young girl, and then into her teens, and then young adult years. Sometimes she does go back in time to connect something happening in the future to something that happened in the past. But she does so in a way that is easy to follow. I really was impacted by the natural gift that Tara had for learning, that was just not put to use as a child. I couldn't imagine the childhood she could have had if she had been given the resources to thrive. She is definitely one of those naturally intelligent people, and it was wonderful to watch her come into her own as the story transpired. 

Overall, I was touched by the ways that Tara was able to thrive in the educational system once she unlearned her parents' abusive ways. This book does well at unpacking how trauma can affect the mind and body to not perform at its fullest potential, and I am so happy that Tara was able to get the education she truly deserved. This book did make me sad at times thinking about the fact that there are children in similar situations, and I think this text drives a great sentiment that education is not a weapon, it is a tool for change. If you like memoirs, please read this! 

Have you read Educated? What did you think? 

Emily @ Paperback Princess

Looking Back on 2023

It's been a hot minute!! I'm really sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. As I mentioned in the summer, I moved to a new city to complete a new university program. The fall term went by so fast that I barely had time for any blogging at all. To be honest, this post is just to confirm that I am in fact alive, but with winter term coming up in a few days as well, I doubt that my blogging habits will become any more consistent. But, I still want to recap what went down in 2023 and insist that I am definitely not shutting down the blog, but will just need some time to get back on track. 

What I Read 

My reading was all over the place this year, but in a good way. I read a bunch of comic books and graphic novels, some YA, a whole lot of romance, and a lot of books focused on Indigenous Literatures for my program. I noticed this year that I really did branch out from my usual focus in YA and I started to read more adult fiction. I'm not surprised by this change. I am now in my mid-20's and so I find myself wanting to read about characters who I can relate to a bit more. But I definitely do still have room in my heart for whatever Rick Riordan puts out! 

It's difficult to pinpoint what my favourite book of the year was. I read 111 books and my goal was to read 100. A few special shoutouts go to Educated by Tara Westover: an AMAZING memoir, Halfbreed by Maria Campbell: also a memoir, from a Metis author, and Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich: an adult dystopia. Non-fiction may have been a standout genre for me last year, alongside my normal love for post-apocalyptic texts. 

I set my Goodreads goal this year for my usual 100, and I'll just take reading as it comes. I don't have any other real wishes for my reading other than hoping I get to read a lot of wins and that I continue to read diversely. 

What I Blogged 

In 2023 I finally changed up my blog design, implementing some new logos courtesy of Canva. This was a long time coming, but I finally feel more content with how my blog looks. 

My blogging was consistent until it wasn't. However, I am happy that I got to review a bunch of books, but also at times just talk about what was on my mind. This blog isn't really just a book blog anymore, rather a space to reflect. I hope to do more reflections in 2024. 

Special Shoutouts 

I want to take some time to shoutout some bloggers I loved reading from in 2023, including some old blog buddies and new finds: 

Cee @ Dora Reads 

Roberta @ Offbeat YA 

Lissa @ Postcards from the Bookstore 

Greg @ Greg's Book Haven 

Sofia @ Bookish Wanderess 

All of these bloggers are amazing at their craft, and if you haven't already, you should check them out in 2024. 

Life Stuff 

2023 was a life changing year. I decided I wanted to go back to school, I moved, and I got to participate in a lot of amazing opportunities in my field. But the year wasn't without challenges. I had many panic attacks along the way. I struggled with my mental illness. I questioned things a lot. I don't want to put pressure on myself to have a "better" year because I know that pressure often backfires on me. But I do want to applaud myself for making the life changes that I did make and I want to continue to do the things I enjoy doing this year. That's all that really matters. 

So, that was my 2023! I wish you all a Happy New Year and I hope to see you again soon. If you're comfortable, I'd love to know how your year went and if you have any goals (reading or otherwise) for 2024. 

Emily @ Paperback Princess