Storytime!
About a month ago, my mom told my sister and I about a person she followed on Instagram who was being rather shitty. She was a health food blogger who was complaining about someone giving her brownies as a gift for Christmas, saying that this person was trying to sabotage her health, and that she would be throwing the brownies out. Upon further scrolling through this woman's feed, she posts stuff saying that obesity is a "disease," and various other fat-shaming stuff. My mom was appalled, but she didn't know how to comment something while still being civil, so my sister and I typed out a comment for her.
I can't show you the direct comment because the blogger promptly blocked my mom, but we were very respectful, just saying how it is not right to publicly shame someone for giving them a nice gift, and that throwing the brownies out promotes wastefulness when there are people starving in this world. Well, this woman and her followers completely attacked us, and then blocked us. So, brings us to here.
When the first few negative comments on our post came in, my sister and I wanted to retaliate, guns blazing. But my mom told us to just let it go. She said that we shared our piece, they weren't going to listen, and we should just move on. But, my sister and I had a very hard time with that. We wanted to call these people out, we wanted to tell them just how wrong they were. We tried the nice thing, it didn't work. We couldn't let them have the last word.
This incident sparked a conversation about whether or not to feed the trolls. Cee @ Dora Reads actually did a discussion post on this too, you can read it here. I think when I was younger, I did not speak my mind for anything. I just let people say offensive stuff, and I was too chicken to say anything back. But, now my opinions have changed. I feel like I don't take shit from anyone, and if you wanna argue, I will argue back.
This idea of just letting things go, is something that I struggle with. The way I look at it is, if someone is saying stupid stuff, then they need to know just how stupid they are being. Now, I'm all for having healthy debates, and I'm not saying that anyone who ever disagrees with me is stupid. But, if someone is saying something blatantly wrong, I feel as if I just have to get involved.
I guess another way to look at it is: if these people are so quick to fire back, then my opinion most likely won't change theirs. However, I get a lot of satisfaction from calling someone out, and now I'm wondering: is that good or bad?
I think as long as you're not being offensive back, there is nothing wrong with engaging in an argument on social media. Speak up about what you're passionate about! However, I do feel like sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me, and suddenly I feel as if I am now targeting the person, as opposed to the person's shitty opinion. I can be very judgemental, it's something that I really need to work on. I think I immediately assume that when a person says something wrong, they are pure and utter evil, when in reality, they could be going through something behind that screen. It is hard to just judge the opinion, and not judge the person as well.
I think for me personally, I don't want to stop speaking up if I see something wrong on online. However, I think I need to be more cautious about how I speak towards the person, and I think I need to engage in more healthy debates. Nothing gets resulted just by two people screaming at each other.
What do you think? Do you think it is worthwhile to feed the trolls? Or do you think we shouldn't waste our breath?
Emily @ Paperback Princess
I think it's absolutely worth responding to trolls! Trolls by nature probably won't listen or care but the people reading the comments will. I think about it like this. If someone comments in support of this woman's message and no one raises valid questions about the ethics and responsibility of her actions, the silent majority who simply read the comments and move on will believe that this is the majority opinion and accept it into their worldview. So even if the people you talk to directly aren't engaging in a respectful debate, the people who read the comments will recognize the effort, see the discord, and probably be more likely to hold a more nuanced view of the topic as opposed to being influenced one way or the other. If that makes any sense :) Just my two cents! This is such a tricky topic, Emily, and I'm glad you took the time to address it.
ReplyDeleteLaura @BlueEyeBooks
That’s a really good point, Laura! Not everyone will jump into the conversation, but certainly there are more people reading it, and thus it is important to speak up if something does seem wrong. Thanks for your input :)
DeleteThank you so much for the link Em! :)
ReplyDeleteAs always, context is key. There's no one-size-fits-all for when you should or shouldn't engage. We all just have to muddle along and do what we feel best fits the situation, and also what we have the time, energy, etc. to deal with at that time.
But what you think matters! You have just as much right to be heard as anyone else - freedom of speech does not mean freedom from criticism!
Likewise, though, you don't owe anyone anything - and the block, report, etc. options are there to be used to protect your well-being. The report function on social media, in particular, is important when dealing with hate-speech, which 9 times out of 10 violates the Terms of Service of the platform. Social media platforms are commercial services, not a free country! ;) <3
That’s a really good point. I understand there are a lot of people who simply do not want to engage or don’t have the energy to do so. Also, we really don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes it is better not to waste our breath. I have had to use the report function before, and it is a very important device.
DeleteI totally relate to how you felt regarding wanting to defend yourself and your family. The internet is amazing but can be such a divisive place and an easy tool for others to spread bad science, hate, etc. I find letting things go hard, too. I like things to be fair, but life isn't always like that. I think there is a difference between sharing an opinion respectfully and in a civil manner and trolling people. It is very easy to jump the gun and let your emotions take over, but I think we all need to think before we post. Awesome discussion, Emily!
ReplyDeleteThanks Erin! I definitely agree that life isn’t fair, and sometimes we just can’t make everyone happy. I think accepting that is a very difficult thing to do, especially for me!
DeleteI think it was the right thing to speak up in the first place - I'm sure you worded the comment well, and may have even influenced some people who saw it to think about this issue. At least I hope that's the case.
ReplyDeleteAs for getting into arguments on twitter... I'm honestly not sure, haha. I've seen some respectful, calm discussions which were useful, but then sometimes replying and arguing just feeds the trolls.
Very different case, but there is the gun girl on twitter, who is mostly getting negative feedback, BUT she IS getting the feedback she needs to sell herself. Also, regarding twitter on general, I saw someone tweet that replying to trolls and quoting them actually helps them get more followers, because the algorithm picks up on the interactions and recommends their account to more people. Also, had you gotten into a heated argument with these people, they possibly would have just been more convinced that they are right. People who would attack you online for respectfully stating your opinion and calling something out will not listen, imo.
So, I do think calling out people is great, but there is a point where continuing the argument becomes counterproductive.
Wonderful discussion!
Thanks Veronika! Yeah, I am very careful when engaging with people who are very offensive, but who gain a following from it. The gun girl is a prime example. While I enjoy liking other people’s tweets who call her out, essentially by giving her attention we are helping her out.
DeleteI feel the same way. It's very hard to not answer when someone is being aggressive AND especially if they're in the wrong, or just being nasty! I totally get it. I've walked away from discussions I REALLY wanted to answer, and it is tough! At the same time, you're right- if they're saying something like that in the first place, you're probably not going to change their mind. It then becomes where do you draw the line? Not always an easy answer... :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a tough call. I think Laura's comment above makes a great point too- even if you're not changing the other person's mind, you are speaking out so other readers realize that not everyone is just going to be silent. Sometimes one person has to be the one to stand up and say- um, no.
Very true! I am very quiet in person. But online, I feel like I need to shut up more lol.
DeleteI read this when you posted it, but I realized I forgot to comment...I commented in my head, haha.
ReplyDeleteI actually talked about this recently on Twitter! I had made a comment in support of another person, and that saying that I respected them a lot and they gave a lovely and mature speech...what I didn't think about was that the speech they gave was on a controversial topic. I got nearly instantly attacked by two people online.
Because I hadn't intended it to be a comment on the person's beliefs, or the topic, I was shocked and felt sick. I decided to delete my tweet. I personally don't try to put my opinions on strong topics out there - heck, even posting my "support" of the person was unusual for me.
As a general rule, I don't personally like to speak my mind on the internet. Being anonymous to any degree, or not having to be face-to-face with someone can really dehumanize that experience, which allows us to say things that we wouldn't normally say, and for me, I don't like that type of interaction. Yet, for some people, it gives them the chance to have a voice where before they had felt stifled by anxiety - and I can't advocate taking that away from them.
As a personal choice, I try to avoid it, and only keep things light. Where the world is concerned, you do you, but I wish everyone would remember to keep things respectful. Unfortunately a lot of people don't.
I really wish the world of social media was more respectful as well. I think in general we need to accept that some people are gonna have different opinions than us, and as long as the opinions aren’t offensive, there’s nothing we can do about it. I’m sorry you were attacked!
DeleteI'm sorry you had to deal with this frustrating side of things too!
DeleteBut yes, exactly. There is a way to have a mature conversation about different opinions, and a way to not. I think the advantage of the internet is that we can take the moment to step back and breathe before we decide to make our comments!
First off, it's horrible that a health food blogger would fat-shame other people, instead of simply promoting healthy eating habits. Also, it's not like a handful of brownies would KILL anyone. It's one thing to advocate for healthy habits, another one entirely to treat anything that doesn't fit them (and anyone who doesn't comply) as garbage. There's a place in this world for sweet/salty confort food, and as long as you try not to consume it daily, there's no harm done in indulging in it from time to time (unless you have serious conditions, like diabetes).
ReplyDeleteBut the real point, of course, is...everyone has got a soapbox now, so everyone feels entitled. Not to only to voice their opinion, but to destroy others'. Sometimes it's not even enough to not engage with certain people, because THEY will find you and attack you even if you haven't said a word to them, just because they find your way of living insulting and they NEED you to know.
Personally, since Twitter is my happy place (and I want it to stay that way), I don't meddle with potentially dangerous discussions - but the fact is, I'm rarely aware of them in the first place, because I stick with like-minded people, and unless they mention the latest scandal in their own tweets, I'm blissfully ignorant of it LOL. I do "like" and retweet things that I agree with though. I know it's necessary to take a stand from time to time, but I prefer to do it in quieter ways, because I have enough problems in my life as it is. I know this sounds selfish, but in my experience, you can't change people's views with a comment, or even a series of comment. You can and should, though, counteract what they do and say with a simple act of kindness and humanity - friending people who get attacked for no reason, promoting books that teach us a valid lesson (like empathy), reporting people who abuse of the internet for their own dark agenda.
"I think I immediately assume that when a person says something wrong, they are pure and utter evil, when in reality, they could be going through something behind that screen."
Sometimes those people can simply be misguided...but I think most of the times they revel in being offensive and doing harm. And even the misguided ones rarely learn something. Then again, Laura above made an excellent point about letting the silent majority know that some things are not to be taken at face value.
Wow, longest comment in ages! That's what you get for a thought-provoker 😉.
Thank you for your thoughts, Roberta!
DeleteTwitter is definitely my happy place as well. I try to mute words that bring me distress and keep it as drama free as possible. But, there is always stuff that creeps in there, that I can’t help but be annoyed at. Then becomes the battle of to say something, or keep quiet and continue to live in the happy place. Admittedly, the happy place almost always wins.
I think your last point is a very good point. Sometimes people really are just hateful beings, that we should have no time for.