Month in Review: February

This month (or more specifically, this week), has by far been the hardest of my life. I will get into it during the Life Stuff portion, but just know that there will be a lot of discussion about anxiety and depression.

What I Read: 

Sinner by: Maggie Stiefvater: 4/5 stars
The Keeper of the Isis Light by: Monica Hughes: 1/5 stars
China Rich Girlfriend by: Kevin Kwan: 4/5 stars
The Turkish Embassy Letters by: Mary Wortley Montagu: 1/5 stars
King of Scars by: Leigh Bardugo: 3/5 stars

Favourite Book: I loved China Rich Girlfriend. Not as much as I did Crazy Rich Asians, but all of Kwan's novels are so funny and easy to get through.

What I Blogged: 

I was consistent in blogging this month, despite everything that was going on, which I am happy about. I got around to reviewing Shadow and Bone, which was great because I always enjoy sharing my thoughts on such a hyped book.

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Sabrina shares The Lies She has Heard about Reading

Erin Reviews Ninth House 

Cee asks for Love and Hope 

Life Stuff: 

Now comes the sad stuff. But I promise, I'm doing better now. The month started off with my mother moving in with me to take care of me amidst my anxiety and OCD. Her presence was a great distraction, and I found myself getting better throughout reading week. However, just this past week, I was prescribed anti-depressants to deal with my OCD and anxiety, and I was super excited to get some extra help. I had high hopes, but boy was I not expecting the side effects.

I took the medicine for four days, each time expecting to get a little more used to the medication like everyone told me I would. For those four days, I laid trembling in bed, constantly nauseous, constantly paranoid, at the darkest moment in my entire life. My mom would hold me as I shook uncontrollably. I couldn't keep any food down, and I had no motivation to do anything. I was depressed.

So, needless to say, I am off of the anti-depressants. Lots of people have told me that it just takes time to get used to them, but my brain has never been more fucked up in my life. I didn't feel like myself, and I thought that I was doing better before medication than afterwards. It was a hard decision, but I felt so much better once I was off of them.

I am still not 100%, and this is mostly because I am experiencing some stress towards what was a very traumatic experience. I keep thinking that I will get sick again. But, I am more of my old self today than I was for the past four days. I went to school, and it felt so good getting out of the house. I don't know where I stand with other forms of medication, but I am hopeful that I will be better with time. I'm not writing this as a sad story, because I am honestly much happier now. I just wish I hadn't experienced all that, as it something that I would rather forget.

So, I am going into March with a clearer head, and hopefully a healthier future. I am happy to get some of my mojo back, and I know this month looks a lot brighter than my last one.

Emily @ Paperback Princess