Friday, 28 February 2020

Month in Review: February

This month (or more specifically, this week), has by far been the hardest of my life. I will get into it during the Life Stuff portion, but just know that there will be a lot of discussion about anxiety and depression.

What I Read: 

Sinner by: Maggie Stiefvater: 4/5 stars
The Keeper of the Isis Light by: Monica Hughes: 1/5 stars
China Rich Girlfriend by: Kevin Kwan: 4/5 stars
The Turkish Embassy Letters by: Mary Wortley Montagu: 1/5 stars
King of Scars by: Leigh Bardugo: 3/5 stars

Favourite Book: I loved China Rich Girlfriend. Not as much as I did Crazy Rich Asians, but all of Kwan's novels are so funny and easy to get through.

What I Blogged: 

I was consistent in blogging this month, despite everything that was going on, which I am happy about. I got around to reviewing Shadow and Bone, which was great because I always enjoy sharing my thoughts on such a hyped book.

Favourite Blog Posts: 

Sabrina shares The Lies She has Heard about Reading

Erin Reviews Ninth House 

Cee asks for Love and Hope 

Life Stuff: 

Now comes the sad stuff. But I promise, I'm doing better now. The month started off with my mother moving in with me to take care of me amidst my anxiety and OCD. Her presence was a great distraction, and I found myself getting better throughout reading week. However, just this past week, I was prescribed anti-depressants to deal with my OCD and anxiety, and I was super excited to get some extra help. I had high hopes, but boy was I not expecting the side effects.

I took the medicine for four days, each time expecting to get a little more used to the medication like everyone told me I would. For those four days, I laid trembling in bed, constantly nauseous, constantly paranoid, at the darkest moment in my entire life. My mom would hold me as I shook uncontrollably. I couldn't keep any food down, and I had no motivation to do anything. I was depressed.

So, needless to say, I am off of the anti-depressants. Lots of people have told me that it just takes time to get used to them, but my brain has never been more fucked up in my life. I didn't feel like myself, and I thought that I was doing better before medication than afterwards. It was a hard decision, but I felt so much better once I was off of them.

I am still not 100%, and this is mostly because I am experiencing some stress towards what was a very traumatic experience. I keep thinking that I will get sick again. But, I am more of my old self today than I was for the past four days. I went to school, and it felt so good getting out of the house. I don't know where I stand with other forms of medication, but I am hopeful that I will be better with time. I'm not writing this as a sad story, because I am honestly much happier now. I just wish I hadn't experienced all that, as it something that I would rather forget.

So, I am going into March with a clearer head, and hopefully a healthier future. I am happy to get some of my mojo back, and I know this month looks a lot brighter than my last one.

Emily @ Paperback Princess


  1. I'm so sorry to hear you had another rough month with your mental health. It is such a difficult thing to go on medication and I know having a bad experience can be such a huge setback. I'm so glad to hear that you are doing better now, and I hope this month is much better.
    Two 1 star books in a single month isn't great - but I'm glad to see you had two 4 stars as well! I haven't read the Crazy Rich Asians books, but I really loved the movie. I might have to try them.
    Also, a big thank you for sharing my post! It means a lot to me :)

    1. No proven, Sabrina, and thank you for sharing such kind words :) I would highly recommend The Crazy Rich Asian’s series. The footnotes in those books alone make them hilarious!

  2. Oh my gosh Em! *hugs* So sorry you've been going through all that!

    Don't worry about ditching the meds - everyone is different, and if the side-effects were bad, then you absolutely did the right thing coming off them. I will say that there's more than one type of anti-depressant though, so if you feel like you need them in future, do NOT be scared to try a different one. Likewise, don't be scared to ditch/avoid meds if they aren't right for you. What works for you works for you, k?

    Feel free to DM me any time, but don't worry if I don't get back to you quickly - between the time difference and the fact that I try to log out when I'm not actively using social media, I won't always pick them up quickly. I won't be avoiding you though! And if you need to talk I'm here!

    So glad your mum's been so helpful - family are... I'm so lucky. I owe my parents *everything* And I know how hard it can be to ask for and/or accept help - for what it's worth, I'm SO proud of you! <3

    Take care of yourself Em! <3

    Oh, and thanks for the link! :) <3

    1. Thank you so much Cee. I actually did feel like DMing you when this was all going on because I know you are on medication and I wanted to get some advice, but I didn’t want to bother you. I’m so happy to know that I have a friend I can talk to when times are tough :) *hugs*

    2. Any time Em! You won't be bothering me at all.

      Like I said, just don't worry if I take a li'l while to respond - it's not that I'm avoiding you, I just don't check my DMs much! <3

  3. Emily,
    As someone who also has to live her life with OCD and anxiety, I want you to know you have support here. I've been having a harder time of it myself lately, so I'm sorry I haven't been commenting on your posts - I have been reading them. Thank you for highlighting one of my posts last month.
    I'm proud of you for fighting to get through this. Being on and off medication both have their struggles, and I really hope you find a solution that works best for you soon.

    1. I think I saw on twitter you say that you also have OCD! I’m glad to know that there are people going through the same thing. I wish you all the best as well <3 We’ve got this!

  4. Oh I'm sorry to hear about the medicine! It can be so hard sometimes with side effects like that. They definitely affect different people differently, and some people CAN'T take them or need other medications or whatever. Sending lots of positive vibes your way, and hope March gets off to a good start for you!

    OCD and anxiety can be so tough because (at least in my experience) some days can be so much better and some are truly awful. you're not alone though, hang in there!!

    1. Thank you for your support, Greg! I hope you have an awesome March :)

  5. I'm sorry to hear that this month was difficult for you. I am wishing you a brighter and healthier March.

    I'm glad that you were able to blog consistently this month, though! That is a huge accomplishment, and a goal I have also set for myself for 2020. I remember reading Shadow and Bone a couple years ago, and I was also surprised by how I enjoyed it although lately fantasy hasn't been my cup of tea. I'm also glad you liked China Rich Girlfriend! I read Crazy Rich Asians a while ago but I still have yet to finish the series.

    claire @ clairefy

    1. Thanks Claire! Fantasy is normally never my cup of tea, but I think the long days being sick have just made me really immersed in these novels. Hope you have a great March, and keep up with your blogging too! I would highly recommend the rest of the Crazy Rich Asians series :D

  6. Oh man, I need to get to China Rich Girlfriend! After reading CRA I bought the rest of the trilogy, and I'm SO EXCITED for them, but I just never seem to be fully in the mood. :( Glad you loved it.

    I'm so sad your meds didn't work out for you. :( But happy that you're feeling better, and that you've had your mom's support. She sounds great, and I'm so happy you didn't have to deal with this on your own. <3 Hope you're having a wonderful March. :)

    1. I can’t wait to get to the last book in the trilogy! Although I’m sure it will be bittersweet to let it go. At least there’s still the movies to look forward to.

      Thanks Veronika <3 I might be a little biased, but I think my mom is pretty great. Hope you have an awesome March too.