Paperback's Pondering's is a weekly discussion when I take a topic and well, ponder about it! This week, I'm pondering writing, and where I want mine to go from here.
For those of you who don't know, I participated in NaNoWriMo last November. I finished my book, and decided to get it bound properly with won of the winning coupon codes. Included in the package, was publishing, in which people can purchase my book in ebook form to review. However recently I have decided, that I do not want it published... yet. Let me explain:
I spent years imagining what life would be like when I published my first novel. I wanted it so bad. I even expected to do it when I started NaNoWriMo. However as time went on, I began to get quite self conscious about my book. That is, I didn't know if it was any good. It's very awkward reading your own book, and you nit-pick every detail to ensure it makes sense. To be honest, there's still a part of me that is scared that my book is far from perfect.
I obviously know that anyone who reads this book isn't going to bash it's mistakes, but I can't help but wonder what they're thinking. I see such amazing plots and characters of other people's books, and I can't imagine my book ever comparing to them. It's a matter of being very self conscious.
I would never dream in a million years right now to send this book to a publisher. That is, I am almost certain it would be rejected. Why you ask? To be honest, I don't know. I put my heart and soul into this book, I took care to edit, but I compare myself to every other writer on the planet. I just don't think I'm good enough.
There's also the problem of writing a book in one month. You feel very rushed and pressured, there's very little planning involved, and everything just seems very overbearing. I feel like now, I would much rather write a book over a longer period of time before publishing it.
Nobody has read my book, and I don't really want anyone to read my book right now. I have the full copy now, and it was so surreal to be honest to see it so professionally done. But this is something that I just want to do for me right now. I think I just need more time to ponder really over if I'm completely confident about this book.
A lot of people have been asking for an excerpt, and I think that's all I can manage right now. It's amazing how many of you have been caring about this, and congratulating me. It gives me more confidence. So, deep breathes, here it is. But this is probably all anyone's going to get from this book:
Synopsis:
Everyone thinks that Augusta Abney is dead, about to be unplugged after a decade of immense suffering. That is, until she wakes up. Some are intrigued by her stories of a different world she seemed to have travelled to while asleep, but other's find her to be threat to their corrupted city's traditional ways. Can Augusta figure out the truth behind her world, or will she realize that the life she thought she had been living, has all been in a dream?
When I woke
up, everything was white. There were white walls, white beds, and I was covered
by a white bed sheet. Haven’t these people ever heard of some colour? I crane my neck to peer over my bed frame, but
I find myself too scared to move. Where is my school, where is Akilah, and how
come I’m lying in this bed? Then, all of Ms. Levesque’s teachings hit me. What if,
this is the Old World? She always told me that the Old World was not diverse
and as rich in culture as Arcanus, and this definitely seems like just that.
But, why I am I here? Surely, this is just a dream, and that I’ll be able to
wake up and tell everyone that I have experienced the past. I pinch myself,
once, twice, nothing. This is all too peculiar, all too strange. And somehow,
it seems all too real.
*cringes* That's it! Really though, thank you to everyone both back in November, and now, that cheered me on and have been incredibly supportive of my writing experiences. Hopefully, I'll find the courage to post more in the future.
Have you ever felt self-conscious about your writing? Do you have any published books?
Emily @ Paperback Princess
joihgfnhroih - you can't leave me with that! I'm intrigued Em, honestly.
ReplyDeleteBut if you don't want to share it that's completely up to you. I totally understand how nerve-wracking it is to show people what you've written (which is why I've been procrastinating instead of writing Part 2 of my Cinderella posts.)
But every little scrap you share (inc. that excerpt!) is a step forward. I promise.
And you've definitely got a spark of talent in there Em. I'm always honest about these things. :)
Thank you for your interest Cee, it really means a lot! I loved your Cinderella post, if you do continue the series I would so love to read it!
DeleteI'll continue it... eventually ;)
DeleteI can completely agree with you here. I've been writing for years, but it seems like I'm never really satisfied with what I write and even when my friends/family/acquaintances and such read it and tell me it's good, I have a hard time believing it. I guess we're all our own harshest critics. The bright side, though, is that from what I've seen of many (even best-selling) published authors go through the very same thoughts, that the writing is garbage and should be scrapped. So don't get discouraged.
ReplyDeleteAs for me, I think when I finally look into publishing, it will probably be through a legit company, seeing as I'd need to find an agent - and they tend to be able to weed out and nit-pick the problems in the book that's hard for us to see ourselves. I say that, like finding an agent is super easy, but still. One can hope, right? XD
Brittany @ http://www.spacebetweenthespines.com/
Thanks for the insight, Brittany! We are our own toughest critiques, which can both help us and hinder us. I think that self-publishing does make it harder to catch all the details, but like you said, finding an agent is hard work. I guess it all takes a lot of time and a lot of practice.
DeleteI totally understand you. The only person in the entire world that has seen my writing is my best friend because we both made a deal that we would each write and exchange our stories for review during our writing processes. It's totally okay to do things at your own pace! If you aren't ready to share more, that is your decision to make! Personally, reject scares the hell out of me too.
ReplyDeleteYeah rejection can be very hard for someone just starting out, so I think that everyone needs to try not to rush things. It's great that you and your best friend can share writing with each other, that signifies a strong friendship!
Deleteas artists, we're always our own worst critics. i'm not a writer but i'm a singer. i've always been a really, really good singer, but it's taken me a looooong time to accept that. the first time i heard my voice on recordinng, i wanted to cry from embarrassment. i thought i sounded too fuzzy and that surely my form was all wrong! it took a lot of coaxing for me to get up and do it again, but in the end i did it because it was something i loved and i couldn't *not* do it. it takes a lot of time and slow steps to share your art with others. you start with sharing it with yourself, then to a few people, then a few more, and slowly your audience grows. it helps to have an honest audience (for instance, my mom always has said that if i wasn't a good singer she would tell me--and she means it, she's really blunt and will tell me when i need to work on something!). you're very brave to share a piece of your work with us today. i hope that you can work up to the point where you feel self confident. maybe the thing to know is that you'll never feel 100% confident, you just have to go for it eventually
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing your experiences! It's awesome that you sing, that is such a beautiful talent. It can be hard to accept your work, but once we can, we can be so proud of ourselves. Honesty does help a lot as well,because it can also teach us how to take criticism. Thanks for stopping by!
DeleteWow, I was just about to post something like this, and am thinking of adding a writing part to my blog. Quite honestly, I've developed a real confidence for writing short stories and poems, because my work has gotten acknowledged in those areas. But I've wanted to write a book for a while and even the thought of trying to do it is so daunting.
ReplyDeleteSo congrats for even WRITING a book! That is such a huge accomplishment in itself, Emily! And don't worry about it; sometimes it's best to let a piece of writing sit for a while and come back to it and see what happens with it. I am just so proud of you!
Thank you so much Kate! It's awesome that you find an interest in poetry, it's a difficult thing to take on! If you do ever want to write a book, I wish you good luck!
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ReplyDeleteCongrats on publishing this post, Emily- I know how nerve-wracking it must have been for you! *showers you with cake and sparkles cuz you deserve it, girl*
ReplyDeleteI used to want to write a book ages ago, but I never had the patience or the skills or the courage to even try. What you've written so far is REALLY amazing, and I'm so, so intrigued by the synopsis. That's one heck of a beginning, Em- can't wait to see how you'll continue!
Yay cake!!! Thank you Ruzaika, you're so kind! Writing a book is something you definitely have to commit to, that's why I really enjoyed NaNoWriMo because it kind of pushes you to write.
DeleteAHH EMILY THIS IS AWESOME! The premise is really interesting and I would love to read the full copy! Let me know when you're a published author okay?? 😜
ReplyDeleteLol I will! Thanks Geraldine! :D
DeleteAHH EMILY THIS IS AWESOME! The premise is really interesting and I would love to read the full copy! Let me know when you're a published author okay?? 😜
ReplyDelete